Matter of the Heart 💞❤💔 21/1/2017
I was 18years when it happened. I was living in the city with my family. I attended University far away from home and my parents were glad they didn't have to pay for accomodation because my paternal aunt lived so close to my chosen university.
All was going well and good until one night. I went to a party with friends from Uni, I came home quite tipsy it was actually my first time of drinking alcohol and it affected me so bad.
I got home around 2am. My cousin Semi was the only one awake everyone had gone to bed. I must have fallen in his arms that night as I staggered into the house. One thing led to another and we had sexual intercourse. Yes my cousin... He was the first man I knew..
The days after that went in a flash, I couldn't recollect what happened but I knew I was no longer intact. I kept trying to remember but I couldn't, after a month I discovered that I was pregnant.
I was crying in the room one afternoon after I discovered. Semi came in we were so close, he couldn't hide the guilt. I didn't know what to do,*Incest* we are in danger, we are Christians, same blood, my parents will kill me,I mean our parents will kill us that was all I could mutter.
I confided in a friend, If I wasn't tipsy Semi won't have done what he did. My friend advised me to abort it. *Abortion* me, an usher and sunday school teacher. Incest Jesus how can I survive this?
10 years later I am a married woman, I adore my husband, we have good business we run as a family. But its been 4years of heart ache. Everytime I conceive at exactly 6 weeks I mysteriously lose the pregnancy. We have been praying and fasting but is like God is angry with us.
Ropo is a child of a preacher and my parent in-law are so in love with me. I love Ropo as well, we relocated far away from our family about 3months ago and we just started worshipping in a new church. Ropo booked an appointment for us to see the Pastor for prayers. He (the pastor) was quite young, whilst we were having the appointment with the Pastor his wife came in and she was my best friend Linda from University days(we lost contact after Uni) the one that helped me with the abortion.
Three weeks later we went to church and Linda was preaching as her husband was abroad for a conference. Linda practically used my past to preach. I barely sat down on one side of my bum throughout the service. We got home and I wasn't myself at all.
Two days later Ropo came home and he wouldn't talk to me, he was throwing tantrums. I don't know what the problem is. I am almost 6 weeks gone because I found out I was pregnant but I haven't told Ropo yet. I am torn apart inside, I am an emotional wreck but I can't show it.
How do I tell my husband that at 18years my cousin defiled me?
How do I tell him I conceived and aborted at 6 weeks then?
How do I tell him that Linda my Pastor's wife was my mate that took me to the doctor to have an abortion and paid for it?
How do I go to church and worship whole heartedly?
My heart is bleeding what should I do?©
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