In the wilderness 4

My life changed for the better although I fell and missed it at the begining but grace found me and gave me another chance.

I have an organisation that works with inmates and the governing body. Offering training and salvation outreach.

My experience makes it easier to relate with the inmates. Many are imprisoned for what they did not do and some serve terms for their offence but my organisation bridges the gap for better future either in the prison or when they leave.

At least to the glory of God many have given their lives to the Lord Jesus Christ through the Organisation. Esmeralda helps with legal duties while Mum helps with hospitality. Phillip(my step dad) encourages them to forgive themselves and whoever has offended them.

Chelsea is so wonderful she counsels young people in young offenders unit. She is a Social worker and she does her job with passion and fear of God.

My entire family is waxing strong day by day. Being a surgeon, whenever I am priviledge to perform a surgical operation I yield myself over to God almighty because He is the greatest physician. I am but an instrument and God is mindful of me.

The journey has not been smooth but through the bumpy rides God has been there for me just as His word says in Isaiah 43:1-2 KJV "But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee."

I do not blame my past on anyone or anything. I believe it is a phase I passed through for the sake of my future and many lives my testimony has touched by the grace of God. It has been God all through.

Now I believe and as a living testimony that God does not want the sinner to perish. He loves the sinner dearly but sin takes man away from his maker. Sin comes when man is either conscious or less conscious but vulnerable.
Sin sinks and stains a man's garment. Glory to the Lord Jesus for delivering me from the stranger who came as a traffic warden that I allowed to take over my life.

If it had not been for the Lord Jesus Christ I would have perished.

Note From the Writer:
If this story has blessed you, ministered to you why not share it with someone else. Although it's fiction but I believe there is a message for everyone that reads it. God will never give up on His Children. We are a Chosen Generation as it is written in 1 Peter 2:9 KJV "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light".

Are you lost in sin or is your past popping up so often that you are discouraged to move to the next level. Accept Jesus Christ into your life this day. A saying goes thus"Every sinner has a future and every Saint has a past". Your past does not necessarily have to dictate your future, you can start a new life in Christ.
Do you fall into the category of a believer that keeps falling into sin and busy hiding away from the truth? Open up to God let Him heal you and renew you totally stop hiding away.
Say this Prayer;
Heavenly Father, the author of life  I worship you for the great opportuinity to know you more. Father come and take control of my life henceforth. Deliver me from the stranger sent to destroy my life. Help me to live a life worthy of you in Jesus name. Thank you for saving me and thanks for your death on calvary because of me. This day write my name in the book of life as I accept you as my Lord and savior/ rededicate my life to you in Jesus name amen.

Say this out with BOLDNESS.
I AM OUT OF THE WILDERNESS IN JESUS NAME AMEN.

In the wilderness 3

I thought about the dream all day, Many of the old inmates tried to be friends with me, some saw me as threat and some threatened to slit my throat.

I felt like I was paying for my sins not just the murder of Jordan and Jessica or the harm I did to Phillips.
All my past sins are catching up with me now. Oh what a shame!

At exactly two years of being in Prison, my family visited. To my surprise Philip came as well. Although mum never stopped writing to me every week. She sent books in for me, she sent a Bible to me as well and pictures of the family. I wrote back to tell her about all I was doing. There in the prison, I did my A levels and passed excellently with distinctions.

I applied for a University course to study Medical Science and surgery through the distant learning programme available.In two years, I have been moved to three prisons. This was because I was less threat now and my progress was very impressive.

On the day of visit, I was not sure of how to appologise to Phillips.When I came out my Sister who has become a solicitor had tears in her eyes the little one has grown up. We all hugged.

Phillip hugged me personally then I appologised and he said "Son I have forgiven you long before now, I am to blame as well because I let you down as a father but we must move on from the past".

It was as if nothing happened prior to their visit. Esmeralda (my Sister the solicitor) said she had filled an appeal on my behalf. She said although the chances of my freedom was thin but she is ready to give it all it takes.

Chelsea told me of her secondary school and how she was the best student in class. She asked me a question that touched me and it was  "When are you coming home kingsley?" I told her I am not sure but with God all things are possible. She answered and said that is Matthew 19:26 "But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."

I felt so relieved seeing my family after what seemed like a century.
The inmates now call me the good boy instead of Kingsley. It's terrible to be behind the bars, I saw inmates killing each other increase in drug use. I struggled with my addiction when I first got to to prison but I was eventually delivered from it.

Some ministers of God came to preach at the second prison I was and they led me to Jesus Christ. Although mum's part in my salvation was major, she sent gospel journals to me. I piled them up for about 3months after being in Prison before I could read one. A friend and fellow inmate was murdered and that was my wake up call. Before the incident happened to him, he preached about Jesus telling people to accept Him and not give up on themself. One day, a fellow inmate Kelvin also known as devil's string just walked up to him and stabbed him to death. I was so scared that day, I did not want to die. Then that night I started going through the journals mum sent to me and one was about life after death and eternal life.

I prayed the prayers at the back but I still prayed for peace.After knowing Christ Jesus, I made sure I went to the church in the Prison because that was the only place I felt joy and peace.I played the guitar there because I could play it from school days.

Any time I played the guitar I sang a song one of the Ministers thought me and it goes thus;
Amazing Grace by John Newton

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
and grace my fears relieved;
how precious did that grace appear
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come;
'tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
and grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me,
his word my hope secures;
he will my shield and portion be,
as long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.

When we've been there ten thousand years,
bright shining as the sun,
we've no less days to sing God's praise
than when we first begun.

I hung unto hope that one day the grace of God upon me will permit my freedom from prison. I wish I could turn the hand of time and erase my past but I understand that Jesus Christ paid the Price for me on the Cross of Calvary.

I carried on with my distant learning. It's now my 6th year of in prison, I am 28years old now. Esmeralda wrote to me that an appeal has been granted and the hearing will take place soon that I should be prayerful.

My prayer life has improved and I engage in regular fasting growing spiritually.One day during my fasting and prayer a Bible passage dropped to my mind and it was Isaiah 25:4-5,7-9 KJV
"For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall. Thou shalt bring down the noise of strangers, as the heat in a dry place; even the heat with the shadow of a cloud: the branch of the terrible ones shall be brought low. And he will destroy in this mountain the face of the covering cast over all people, and the vail that is spread over all nations. He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the Lord hath spoken it. And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, and he will save us: this is the Lord ; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation".

The Bible passage got me thinking, I meditated on it and I used it to pray. I prayed that God should expose and disgrace all strangers causing afflictions in my life both physically and spiritually. Before going to bed that night I prayed to God and praised Him. I also gave thanks in advance for answered prayer.

My dream.
I had the continuation of the dream I had some years back.I saw myself walking in the wilderness.I was tired but not ready to give up then I saw the stranger that took my horse. I requested for my horse but he just shouted at me. He said you shall continue to toil and it will not yield.I responded you are a liar. I am a child of the Most High God and His word says in Isaiah 65:23 KJV "They shall not labour in vain, nor bring forth for trouble; for they are the seed of the blessed of the Lord , and their offspring with them". I turned to the stranger and said enough of your deceit. You are not my God or maker so this day I claim back my lost glory.
The word of God says in Obadiah 1:17 KJV "But upon mount Zion shall be deliverance, and there shall be holiness; and the house of Jacob shall possess their possessions."

Stranger I have come to possess my possession give me my horse now. He laughed so loud my ears was almost blocked with the sound. He replied "you willingly handed your horse to me and you willingly entered this wilderness. I have monitored you since the begining of your existence on earth but you gave in to me willingly. It is not possible to let go. Remember the great book said that the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I have stolen from you, I am killing your destiny gradually and my main goal is to destroy you which is very soon.

I became so uneasy and in pain then I quoted Romans 8:1-2 KJV"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death." Stranger I am not under the law I am redeemed bought and set free with the blood of the lamb. Stranger your time is up in my life because the Bible say in Philippians 2:10-11 KJV "That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." In Jesus name I am free.

It was like I sent a missile bomb, stranger was engulfed in fire and I never saw him again. Then I saw a way out of the wilderness. My horse was tied down it looked thirsty. Out of no where I saw a river, I took my horse there it drank and was strenghtened. I got on the horse and rode so fast shouting halleluyah to the Lord God Omnipotent. I woke up shouting Halleluyah.

I felt a bit disappointed because I was still in prison but I stood up and praised God for breakthrough. A month later the hearing for my appeal took place and I was set free. Oh my! The Lord is Unlimited I believe. I had no chance of being free but God set me free.

Life outside was so different, spending six years in prison was not a joke but my life changed whilst there for better. I still had to follow some rules for some months which I managed to obey.

Three years after my release, I became a surgeon to the glory of God.

In the wilderness 2

I asked her about Phillips, she said he was in a stable condition in the hospital.

We were unable to talk for long as the visiting time was up.

I was charged to court on two counts of murder and one count of grievous bodily harm.

In the court room, Jessica's mum was there and some family and friends. It was such an emotional experience. I was asked to confirm my name and date of birth which I did. The day I was charged to court was my 22nd birthday. One of the lawyers was my class mate whom I used to help with his studies back in secondary school days.

I was filled with remorse not because of the charges but because I have wasted my oppotunity. I remember saying to Dola(lawyer) back in secondary school days that" don't worry I will become your doctor whilst you become my solicitor when we grow up" but now I was a criminal. What a turn around of shame, termination of purpose and ruin I am in.

The judge thought I was remorsefull because of my offence, even the juries were pitying me. How I got to this place in life was not clear to me. Where was my ambition, my gift and knowledge. Oh my! I blew the opportunity I had.

I was sentenced to 28years in prison.

On getting to the prison, I blocked my mind totally and vouched to make things right even behind bars.
Prison is another world on its own. The first night in the prison I had the strangest dream ever.

My dream...

I saw myself riding on a horse all dressed in white robe and looking happy. As I was riding a traffic warden came and said, the road ahead is too far but there is a short cut round there pointing to a road on the right. I said but my horse will not fit into the space and it does not look like there is much light like where I am presently. He said you can leave your horse here I will bring it along to meet you at the other end. I agreed without thinking. I took the road he showed me living my horse behind. As I went through the road it grew darker and darker my robe got torn because of the thorns on the trees. I eventually lost my robe in the darkness. It was a wilderness so dark and damp. I kept walking, I became thirsty but there was no water not even rainfall maybe I could at least open my mouth to get a drop. I was sweating and gasping for air. I was woken up by the announcement in the prison wing I was placed.

I was placed in the wing of the dangerous inmates.  I was troubled by the dream......

My 72hours Cross.

Its that time of the year again when  we need to go to the village to see Grandma. As much as I love grandma, I hate going to the village for the purpose we are going now even though I love the village environment. We did not used to come for this ocassion but for the past three years Dad has made it compulsory, He even cancels important meeting and Church programmes to attend it.


Dad and mum were busy talking about the activities they are looking forward to participate in the village.
I felt like running away, I put up a pretence in the morning hoping I will be left behind but my pretence just got me pity and encouragement that when I get to the village I will feel much better.
I am so confused and angry. We are Christians and we hold prominent posts in the Church. Dad is one of the board of elders in church, mum is an ursher. I and my little twin sisters are in the Youth choir. All this does not go beyond the church. We are a different family when it comes to tradition (for 3 years now). Dad believes being a Christian does not mean we cannot do some traditional rituals. My dad is the worst person to put up an argument with because he will always win.


As we approached the village, I could hear sounds of drums and people singing. I loved the village, the air is so fresh and we get to eat fresh food but I dislike the tradition and rituals.  Within me I was praying to God seeking His face and asking for last minute miracle but it seemed as if God couldn't be bothered. My pretence worked a bit because I was fasting(mum taught I did not have appetite) so I won't eat any of the food sacrificed to the gods of the land.
The song was becoming so clear as we got nearer. Women and children were dancing paying their homage to the gods. I sighted my grandma dancing and shaking every part of her body. As we got off the car, the song changed grandma came close rejoicing and asked us to dance. The villagers started singing in our language (owo ori to do de baba wa loko san 2* , awon agba tio osan o won be lati mole 2*, owo ori to dode baba wa loko san meaning the new tax money introduced was first paid by our fathers, those who do not pay are in detention).


We danced and we were given some water to drink. I pretended to have drank it but I didn't. I was praying within and pleading that God should have mercy. After all the dancing we went inside grandma's house to sit down. After sometime grandma came with some villagers they greeted us.
Grandma loves to show off anytime we go to the village because my dad was her only surviving child and he was doing well. She was beaming all over. As usual, when it was dinner time we ate as much as possible from fresh cat fish to different fruits. By then I had prayed and broken my fast. Mum amazed me by saying the prayers of the village priest on us has healed me.


That night in bed I was secretly praying that God should forgive and deliver us. Anytime we visit the village there is no family prayer like we often do back in the city. The next morning is a day I will never forget.
Very early in the morning I could hear a goat's cry why it's been slaughtered. As I peeped through the window I saw dad in a white clothe being bathed with the goats blood. As if that was not enough He now had to drink some of the goats blood, I could not hold the surprise I shouted Jesus the priest heard me and insisted I be brought out.


The priest said because I had seen something that is an abomination, a sacrifice must be made. Also I was to be given to the gods of the land as a wife. I thought I was dreaming, me wife to the gods of the land. I was only 15 years and  I am a christian. Dad obviously accepted without asking if I want to or not my choice was not considered. My parents have been acting like they are under a spell/hypnotised for a while. Before they do not participate in any ritual, but they are matured I guess they know better so I do as they say to some level.


The priest said I will be at the village shrine for 1 day after which the sacrifice will be conducted. I refused to go with them I was screaming and shouting that God should help me. I kept reminding dad of his duty in church. I reminded him that we are bought by the blood of Jesus on Calvary therefore we are free from all tradition and worshiping of man-made god. This only earn me some dirty slaps and beating. Dad said I was possessed, that modern religion was driving me mad. After lot of protest I was locked in the village hut, mum never for once asked for my release she followed and obey all orders given by the priest and dad did thesame. My grandma although had compassion all over her but she couldn't help me. Lara and Lola my little sisters had tears all over their face. Dad kept saying Laide (o fe ya omo ko mo) you want to become a bad child. I did not cry but I did not stop screaming and reminding them I am a child of God.

I was in the shrine for that day. At midnight I was so tired and all I could say within me was God almighty you said in Psalm 139:14" I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well".(N.I.V.) SO GOD IF THAT IS TRUE WHY AM I HERE JUST BECAUSE I EXCLAIMED ON WHAT I SAW?
ROMANS 8:37"no in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"(N.I.V)  GOD I DO NOT FEEL LIKE A CONQUEROR HERE NOW, I AM IN PAIN. 
I was busy saying all that in my heart, I just kept questioning God, quoting as much scriptures and asking questions. I felt so scared where I was and I was just expecting the worst like the priest will come in and behead me I didn't realized when I slept.


MY DREAM, MY CROSS
I dreamt that I was walking down a road very smooth in the middle but the edges where bumpy on both sides, as I walked down the road, I started noticing the bumpy edges and I was wondering why it was bumpy. All of a sudden  I saw my dad tied up in ropes with rags on, he was smiling even though He was in pain. It looked as if He was not aware of his condition not too far from him was mum sat on the floor caring a mortar on her head tears falling down on her face even though she had a smile on, then I saw the twins they were tied down one feet each, they were struggling to move on. There and then I stopped and started looking for ways to set them free. I tried all I could but I could not get them out.  I started crying for help, but no one came until I started praying using Psalm 20:1-2 " The Lord hear thee in the day of trouble, the name of the God of Jacob defend thee. send thee help from the sanctuary and strengthen thee out of Zion"(K.J.V). I personalized this verse using our Family name "JACOBS". whilst I was praying an old man came tapping me on the shoulder and he said daughter, why are you relenting, why are you losing your grip and becoming cold. I answered Him by saying I do not understand. He said you are giving up on the salvation of your family even though you know they are lost. Their souls has been tied to traditions and man-made gods. Yet you are so concerned about yourself and not staining your garment. Have you forgotten your assignment?
I said"Assignment?" He answered, yes assignment which is the cross you ought to be carrying. 2 Corithians 5:20" we are therefore Christ's ambassador". YOU ARE A REPRESENTATIVE OF CHRIST A PROMOTER OF THE GOOD NEWS(GOSPEL). I answered but I am promoting the gospel, I go for evangelism, I preach the gospel through my way of life but what has it got to do with my family. The Old man said even though you preach the gospel, you do it outside your home leaving your home as it is even though they have derailed. Then I understood what My Cross was, though I preach to people outside I could see my immediate family falling deep into devil's plan yet I kept hoping they will be saved eventually without praying for them or speaking to them.  I turned to the Old man to help me but He was gone then I woke up.


I bursted into worship and praises to God in the middle of the night it was 1 am when I woke up, I sang"come and take your place oh Lord 2* in my life(home, family, dad, mum, siblings) come and take your place, in our lives come and take your place". I casted, I decreed, I plead the blood of Jesus. I just kept going on and on in prayers. I did not know what the time was till the cock crowed I felt like I was not the only one in that shrine that night. Then I had a bang on the door it was Lola my sister she had sneaked out of the house to come and check on me. For some reasons she was surprised I was unhurt then she told me what the Priest said.

Lola said..
The Priest said the gods of the land will visit me overnight and give me due purnishment which ranges from, leprosy, blindness, paralysis and so on. She said when she heard she and Lara were praying for me the little they could. I had thought them some Psalms and prayers over the last school holiday so she said they kept reading it and putting my name in it. she said Lara was watching the way for her as she came so that no one will see her coming to me. 

From Lola's narration I could understand my dream a bit, even though I was still a teenager, I was chosen to lead my family out of darkness. I told her to go back and gave her some prayer lines, also I told her to be in fasting and prayer with me including her twin sister. It was barely 10 minutes  since Lola left that the chief priest came crying in pain saying my witchcraft was  more powerful than his gods. all the statues had fallen and broken up just like Diagon fell and broke before the Ark of Covenant in the Bible(1Samuel 5:1-5). I did not know because the room I was was at the back of main shrine. As he was talking he cried out in pain again saying my fellow witches were beating him and that he could see me being surrounded by fire and chariots. He was in this pain begging and rolling on the floor when all of a sudden the door opened ajar and dad followed by mum, my sisters, grandma and some villagers rushed in. 

They were all filled with surprise when they saw the Chief Priest writhing in pain and begging me to help him. they were so shocked, dad and mum  had come back to their senses and awareness of what was going on. Even grandma was surprised, she was saying Laide your witchcraft is powerful.

what the chief priest said..
He said grandma was always boastful and proud of dad, so one day he told her that if she does not want to lose dad like her other kids she needs to do some rituals and have to make sure she pour the concussion in Dad's house without his knowledge. grandma did as he said because she thought he was right and ever since, he had sold dad's soul and our family to rulers of darkness but he said he found me very difficult among them.
On hearing this grandma held him and bit him so hard the flesh peeled. Dad and Mum were so shocked, they moved away from where they were to where I was.

So I prayed for them all..
The priest was prayed for and he confessed Jesus as his Lord and savior, even grandma and most of the villagers there. Dad and Mum were grateful to God for using me to redeem my family. It WAS THE LONGEST 72 HOURS OF MY LIFE. IT WAS THE DAY I REALIZED WHAT MY CROSS WAS.

MY FAMILY IS DOING SO WELL IN THE VILLAGE, DAD HAS BUILT A CHURCH IN THE VILLAGE, WE VISIT OFTEN WITH BIBLE RESOURCES ALSO PEOPLE ON MISSION FIELD ARE ALWAYS AROUND TO TEACH THE PEOPLE OF THE VILLAGE ABOUT OUR LORD JESUS AND THEIR WALK WITH CHRIST.

THE WORD OF GOD IN JOEL 2:28"  AND AFTERWARDS I WILL POUR OUT MY SPIRIT OUT ON ALL PEOPLE. YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS WILL PROPHESY YOUR OLD MEN WILL DREAM DREAMS YOUNG MEN WILL SEE VISIONS"(N.I.V). Now I understand the word of God properly.

My Family are now sold out to the Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you Jesus

Thank you for revealing my cross to me.. Halleluyah

Teach that Child Right

A Child can be hurt in a lots of ways from the lessons they learn and lessons they were never thought...

Parents, Grand Parents, Aunts and Uncle  what are you teaching that Child that is unnecessary and what is that necessary thing that Child needs to know that your are not teaching him/her?

God put that Child in your custody for a Reason..
Do not mess it up...

Watch out

Watch out!!!

Enemy of your soul satan will create short cuts that will entice you..

Those short cuts will never get you to God's destination for you.

Instead it will delay you..

So Wait on The Lord Be of good Courage and God will strenghten your Heart...

Wait Patiently!

The Truth.

The truth can be bitter
It can sting..
But I tell you it brings the best out of the situation.

Never compare facts to truth.
When you gather fact Identify the truth in it.

Grace used wisely

No Power of Hell no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hands
Till He returns or calls me Home
Here in the power of Christ I stand....

Powerful Lyrics but do we do as we say.
Do we just say it and at the sight of storms of life pick race to lesser man made god.
The gods that have eyes but can not see.
The gods that have ears but can not hear.
The gods that have legs but cannot walk...

Abba Father you are worthy over and over again.
If we refuse to praise Him as Human,
Look around you winds whispers to the trees in praises and they bow down to worship God..

Even stone will roll and praise Him.
Birds fly about flapping their wings and Praise
Jehovah Nissi...

So dear friends, will He find us Standing in Him without weariness till He returns or calls us Home..

Lord Give us the Grace to stand till You return or call us Home in Jesus name amen.

Even as the grace is sufficient for us Lord do not let us be Abuser of Grace in Jesus name amen..

Single Lady.

Single sister!!!!

This is your time to be equiped before you sign that life contract called marriage or go into the Taster course called courtship.

The slogan I am single and I want to mingle though sounds fun but be careful so you don't TANGLE WHILE MINGLING.

Get busy doing profitable things not unprofitable things.
Ecclesiastes 10:18 NIV"Through laziness, the rafters sag; because of idle hands, the house leaks."

Stop getting miserable everytime you see someone walk down the aisle rejoice with them.
Romans 12:15 NIV"Rejoice with those who rejoice."

Stope tasting all waters or weighing them sexually to check if he will be good enough as husband. Selling your body so cheap would not guarrantee a marriage proposal.
Hebrews 13:4 NIV"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."

You never knew about keeping the marriage bed pure before, it's not late to change and wait patiently. There is a reward for every deeds.

Being single does not classify you as a failure no. Do not stoop too low just to qualify for what is not in God's  plan for you.

This is the time you discover your inner self. This is the time you make all necessary changes where need be e.g. Cooking, attitude, presentation, spiritual life and commitment to God.

You are busy waiting for the man that will complete you are you incomplete? God made you in His image and likeness.

Don't start setting budget that is unreal. The man must be this, that and those all in one forgetting that the man is already in existence. It's not some scientific experiment or cloning business.

Seek the Lord dilligently. Ask for a discerning spirit so that you will not fall victim of a replica that the enemy of your soul will or might send your way while you wait without patient or prayer.

Single and busy checking Biological clock, Are you God?
Menopause! even at a tender age and still single,  God has never and will never fail. The term Meno-Pause is not MenoStop. When God is involved, you will overcome regardless of the tides of trials.

Single, yet to know your purpose of living you better start now. Marriage will not automatically tell you, your purpose of living.

Sister, you are single but your friend's hudband is the man of your dream. Infact you go to their house she tells you all she does even the last time her husband touched her. You help them baby sit when need be. You jump at the opportunity to cook for your friend's husband. He is not aware of your evil motive yet you want him so bad.
Stop! Stop!! Stop!!!

He is not yours, why do you desire a left over someone else's man?
That is not God's plan for you.

Sister you are just running from pillar to post, from herbalist to spiritualist to pastor. All your make up and toiletries are initiated with diabolic powers. You better renounce such because the consequence is bad.

Sister you are fervent, dedicated and sold out to God be strong and wait. You will be celebrated very soon.
Psalm 27:14 NIV "Wait for the Lord ; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord ."

Psalm 130:5 NIV "I wait for the Lord , my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope."

Romans 8:25 NIV"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

Psalm 38:15 NIV"Lord , I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God."

Sister Patience in waiting is a blessing. While you wait for your bone be patient.

God in Heaven has plans for you to be fulfilled maritally to His glory.
Something comes out of waiting patiently on the Lord.©

Christ is the Only way to Heaven..

Thinking if ending it all?

Thinking of suicide because you are fed up?

Suicide will only put an end to your trial on earth but it will not guaranttee an eternal rest or Eternal life.

The only way to Heaven is through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Scriptural references:
John 3:3-5 NIV "Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again. ”  “How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!”  Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit."

John 3:16-18 NIV"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son."

He will provide.

In times of need and times of abundance, you must believe that God is your source of provision.

Do not think that you get all you have because of your intellect or wealth.

God is the one that gave you that intellect and strength to acquire knowledge/wealth.

God works it all out to His glory and to your favour.

Today you might be thinking your wants are mega and there is no way out the word of God says in Philippians 4:19 KJV "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus".

BE ENCOURAGED. GOD IS THE PROVIDER

Do it all with the fear of God.

In everything you do today.
Commit your ways and deeds into the hands of the Lord.
Also have it in mind that all things you do is vivid to the Lord.
So if you plan include God and do it all with the fear of God.

Proverbs 9:10 NIV "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." 

Psalm 111:10 NIV "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise."

He watches always..

Regardless of how Old or young you are or you feel..
YOU ARE STILL A CHILD TO GOD.
SO HE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO LEAD YOU,
CARRY YOU,
COVER YOU,
PROVIDE FOR YOU,
CHATISE YOU,
DIRECT YOU,
WATCH OVER YOU,

THE LIST IS UNENDING...
SO WHATEVER YOU DO REMEMBER GOD IS WATCHING.
HE IS AN EVER READY HELP IN TIMES OF NEEDS.
HE NEVER SLEEPS NOR SLUMBER.
HE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.

DON'T BE AFRAID
Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Criticism..

Criticism!!!!!!

When you criticise others do you do it just because you cannot stand the sight of what they are doing or who they are?

Do you criticise because you have power over them or because they have power over you?

Do you criticise because you envy,dislike or are jealous of them?

Believers are not exempted from criticising but make sure it is done with and in Love.

Make sure your criticism brings the best out of the situation/person to the glory of God.

If you put a smile on someone's face, God is always there to pay you.
If you make someone cry or always stand as evil behind their success there is a reward for it as well.

Whatever you sow you will reap.
Correct in love....
Love covers multitude of sin...

Don't fail God

One thing for sure is God will never fail you..

The question now is will you fail God?
May God grant us grace not to fail Him in Jesus name amen...

In your Journey.

To get to your God given destination in life,
You need to recognise the stop, the bends and delays as part of the journey to cover.
Also you need to know when to let go of certain individuals in your life.
Some friends will slow your journey while some will speed it up.
So when a friend leaves you don't kick the bucket.
Their assigned time in your destiny might have come to an end.
Just focus on your Maker to see you through..

Leave the Taunters.

It's not necessary to give answers when people Taunt you because of what you lack.

The best thing to do is go on your kneel and speak to the God of Abundance.

God sure has that need or want of yours more than your Adversary does.

Try this and the songs will change in your mouth infact your Adversary will come and bow to your God when they Behold the Hand of GOD THE PROVIDER AND SUSTAINER...

I HOPE SOMEONE IS READING THIS.
LET THEM TAUNT.
LET GOD TURN IT TO A SONG OF TESTIMONY.
ALLOW GOD TO ANSWER YOUR ADVERSARIES...
AMEN

My Dark days(True Life story 2)

By the time I finished my masters,I rededicated my life again. I decided it was time for change so I started praying more,reading my Bible & doing my quiet time.

I married my husband adhering to all rules and we kept the bed undefiled our courtship was less tgan a year. I will be 33yrs in May,been married for 15mnths & looking for the fruit of the womb.

Although I have done scans and I was told my womb is ok. I have also done hormonal profile but it's normal.
The 1st guy  I dated in University when I was a fresher, Patric has a step sister (about 3yrs) named Florence. Whenever he is playing with her & he kisses her,I will shout on him as if I want to beat him(guess it was due to what happend to me).
Even now(although it has reduced) if my husband brings a neighbour's daughter in, I dont trust completely.I know he can't abuse a child but I still try to stay around somehow.

I told my husband everything before we got married because I don't want any past haunting me or anybody using it as a blackmail. 

Why I shared My True Life story;
To keep awareness of effect of Child abuse on Children and their future. If not for Christ Jesus I do not know what or where my life would have been or ended.

I want to imploy mother/fathers/Carers please take necessary steps when a child reports  abuse of any form.

My early years affected my growing up till I was delivered.

My encouraging verse in the Bible is Habakkuk 2:3 NIV"For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay."

I believe God has plans for me to fulfill. Also I hope my story helps someone to heal up or seek necessary help.
Thank you

This is a true Life story although names have been changed for confidentiality. May the Lord deliver our young ones from lion in sheep clothing. Mothers/Fathers please be vigilant and always pray for your Children.

Please drop a line of Prayer or encouraging word for the Person that shared her True life story. God bless you in Jesus name Amen.

My Dark days(True Life story 1)

<p>I was born and raised in Ondo.My mum was a teacher(late now) &amp; My dad worked at Local government council.&#160; <br>
When I was about 5yrs old, Mothers then were not enlightend to give kids my age sex education.</p>
<p>We were living in a&#160; family house,we lived on the ground floor while the other family members lived at the top floor. The house was owned by my dad's uncle. One day,one of my cousins(a male) touched me inappropriately. Out of my innocence, I told my mum that Juwon touched me inappriopriately pointing at where he touched.</p>
<p>Instead of my mum to take action,she beat the hell out of me. She made me&#160; regret ever mentioning it. </p>
<p>I've already started Primary school then. I celebrated my 5th year&#160; birthday at school. There was a particular day,I broke a plate and was asked to kneel down,raise my hands and face the wall. </p>
<p>My mum's elder brother came to our house that day,sat on the chair that was beside me. He plead&#160; on my behalf to mum but my mum said no.&#160; I was wearing a small dress. When a girl kneels, the dress will move high. The next thing I noticed was my uncle started touching me from behind. I frowned at him because it was very painful. It was a sunday I&#160; could not tell my mum because of the past experience. <br>
My dad got a job for my uncle, he comes to our house every sunday to collect transport fare from my dad. He will place me on his laps &amp; touch me.</p>
<p>I started running from him but woe betide me in my mums hand if he calls me &amp; I dont answer him. We are four children and my elder bro &amp; sis will be in the kitchen helping my mum while&#160; I'll be with him(uncle) in the lounge.</p>
<p>It was a continous act every sunday for 2yrs &amp; I was enjoying the act. He will sing for me &amp; I looked&#160; forward to his visit every sunday. When he noticed that I was getting wiser,he stopped. I was already 6yrs plus.</p>
<p>When he stoped,because I was already enjoying the touch,I decided to satisfy my self sexually with boys in the compound I was already used to what my Uncle started.</p>
<p>I was touching boys myself if they are shy to do what I want. We also have family friends in the same compound. I became sexually active at tender age. I was sleeping with two brothers together @&#160; thesame time. I continued like this till I was 11yrs &amp; older guys in the&#160; house joined in. It got to a stage I was touching young boys like 3,4 yrs. </p>
<p>The news spread, one day someone&#160; caught I and my cousin in the act &amp; threatened to tell my mum if I dont allow him I agreed. Some family packed out &amp; some outsiders moved in. I still continued the act until I had a stable boyfriend @ age 12yrs. </p>
<p>All the while I didn't menstruate. I&#160; was a tomboy &amp; also didn't like boys playing fast on me. I started my period @13yrs 4mnths. My mum told me not to touch boys dat I will get pregnant. I didn't understand she meant sexual intercourse. I started avoiding boys because of the fear she created in me.<br>
I started bullying the boys in my area. This were the boys we slept together.There was a day&#160; I was sleeping in our lounge( we dont close our door &amp; every one in the compound had access because of d tv &amp; vhs player.) A guy name koreded came in &amp; started touching my breast.&#160; I got very angry, later that evening, People were watching T.V.&#160;&#160; Korede slept off whilst there was electric power distruption. When electricity came back on,my brother wanted to iron my uniform &amp; left the&#160; iron on. I placed the hot iron on korede's exposed stomach.</p>
<p>I was severely beaten that night but I didn't regret it. There was also a day a boy called Lanre was peeping @ me through the bathroom window with two other boys, I beat one with a ruler that has steel edge,beat one with a cane &amp; splashed hot candle wax on Lanre while he was having a nap. I continued this way until a friend introduced me 2 pills. </p>
<p>I lost my virginity to Yinka my boyfriend @15yrs. I started having sex like drinking water. Then we moved house to our own house, I stopped sexual intercourse for a while because there was no one to sleep with. I dont like somone that does not drink or smoke. I still went back to my old behaviour &amp; was sleeping with about 2 or 3 guys in a day.</p>
<p>At age 20yrs, I had my 1st abortion. I started dating another man called Tosin. He was the one that took me to where I had my 1st abortion.He was in the university while I was still seeking admission. When I got to University, I left Tosin &amp; started having lot of fling,one night stand etc.</p>
<p>I was just taking my pills for prevention of pregnancy. Whenever&#160; I want to date a guy,I will sleep with him before saying yes &amp; if he doesn't measure up, I leave him. I dont club,drink or smoke but&#160; I was more like a nymphomaniac. </p>
<p>I gave my life to Christ but&#160; I was still sleeping around. I masturbate if&#160; I can't get any satisfaction. I automaticaly lost count of the number of guys I had slept with. If I&#160; want a guy,I get him without talking or asking the guy out. I was later told that I had a seductive spirit that's why I could get a guy to come my way whenever I'm interested. </p>
<p>I later rededicated my life but still continued to dwell in sin. Before I got admission to University, I was working as a receptionist with a man.He was a family friend, whenever he sits across me, I fantasize his nakedness in my thoughts. He was the first man I got without talking.</p>
<p>I told him about my past &amp; he encouraged me to tell my mum. When I told her at age 21, what her brother did to me,she cried, appologised &amp; said she will be praying for me.<br>
I was 16yrs when my uncle(the man that sexually abused me) died in 1996 @ 45yrs without a wife or child. </p>
<p>While in 300L, I started dating a married man. We met during my I.T. he said he doesn't like contraceptive during intercourse (Mayowa was his name) &amp; he gave me STDs. I could not go to school hospital so I consulted my roommate (a pharmacy student) that prescribed medicine for me I left Mayowa.<br>
Towards the end of my 4yr&#160; programme(2006), I met another guy called Dolapo. He told me he was a press man. He told me that he had a 19yr old daughter but no wife. We slept together once in his car. Afterwards, I&#160; went to the&#160; pharmacy to get pills, but the guy sold wrong tablets to me. I wasn't satisfied but didnt want to take chances till the next day because I was going to spend the weekend with my uncle &amp; he wont let me out of the compound unless I've got good excuse.</p>
<p>I do find it very hard to lie,I would rather not talk about somthing than to lie about it. Lo &amp; behold,I was pregnant&#160; for Dolapo. I went to lagos &amp; my sister told me that she dreamt that I was pregnant &amp; was suffering with it. She asked for my last period date, I told her &amp; she said am already pregnant.I did the test and it was positive.</p>
<p>I called Dolapo to tell him but he said he will call me back. He never did. My sister borrowed me money &amp; also took me to where I had the 2nd abortion. I returned her money from my pocket money when I was returning to school because I was about to defend my project.</p>
<p>The weekend after the abortion,I had severe pain in my abdomen. I called Dolapo that he should come &amp; take me to hospital but he switched off his phone. I wanted to defecate but the pain was too much. I crawled to the toilet that day it was on a sunday.</p>
<p>By monday evening I felt good and my period was back on Tuesday. After my defense,I went for deliverance @ MFM&#160; beside my University.<br>
What I noticed was that whenever I&#160; break up with a guy,he wil come &amp; beg me. Telling me that if we can't date again,we can be sex partners. The one that I like I agree,those I don't I disagree.</p>
<p>All this while,I had a stable relationship,it was the longest I ever had Joel Nkiru but dad refused me marrying him because of tribal difference. We were together for 5yrs&#160; but I still had multiplebed partners aside Joel. When I went to serve (NYSC,2006/2007),The guy that was preaching to me @ my place of primary assignment,slept with me regularly.</p>
<p>Another guy that also came to preach &amp; invited me to discipleship class,we were having serious romance together. I dated 3 of my lecturers,I dated 2 of the Reverend in my church.<br>
When I went back for my masters,I still continued from where I stopped. I kept having attention from men wherever I go. I've a pretty face &amp; figure. When I went for my convocation,I stayed with Joel Nkiru.</p>
<p>The day after my convocation,we had a quarrel because he greeted my dad &amp; he replied him reluctantly.I went to school to return my convocation gown,went to restaurant to eat. As I was about to leave, I met a guy called Richard Johnson. I nick named him Mr Big Stu

My Mansion in Heaven..

My Mansion in Heaven...

Looking at what an earthly mansion looks like and what it consist of.
It gets me thinking of my Mansion in Heaven.

It urges me to live a life worthy of reigning with my Heavenly father.

It makes me draw nearer and nearer to my Father in Heaven.

It makes me yearn for more of God.
It opens my eyes to see the newness of being in Christ day by day.

It makes my heart weep for the lost soul.
It encourages me to reach out more to preach the Gospel to people all over the world.

If God is mindful of me  he is also mindful of you, her, him and them.
The blood on calvary must not be in vain because of me.

I must make sure that I do all I can by His grace to get to that Mansion and reign with my maker.

My life must preach the word.
My existence must be for Christ Jesus..

Abba Father how much I appreciate your Birth, Death and Ressurection.. How I love you Jesus...
Father help me in my race on Earth so that I can make Heaven.
I must make it to Heaven and wear the Crown.

Deliver from Self in Jesus name...
Dear Friend are you Heaven Conscious?

Do you think you are ready to go if He comes now?

It's not a joke friends remember everything that has a begining has an end, that applies to every life including yours.

Do you want to hear that Halleluyah at the end of your race on Earth?
I want to be there and I want you to be there.

Matthew 3:2 NIV"and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.”

Are you yet to know or accept the Lord Jesus as your Lord and savior?
It's not too late now.

Accept Him as your Lord and savior.

Say Lord Jesus I surrender my Life to you come and take control.
I accept you as my personal Lord and Savior help me to live a lofe worthy of you in Jesus name. Amen

Attitude

Attitude either add more to your beauty or robs off your existing beauty.

You aim to go high in life.
You call yourself an Ambassador for God.
Infact the scriptures brings tears to your eyes anytime you read it.

You are so Hhhhooooollllllyyyy..

But your attitude is nothing to write home about.

You read about Humility but you are immune to humility because of your attitude..

The Scriptures says;

Proverbs 15:33 KJV" The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility."   

Proverbs 18:12 KJV "Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honour is humility."
1 Peter 5:5 KJV "likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble."

Story-Glory

No one sees or knows the story behind your glory.
When your glory starts booming after being shaped up in all manner of Trials and Challenges, everyone want to partake in it.

Mind you some have come with good intention while many have come with intention to ruin the glory.
They are like King Herod who wanted the death of our Lord Jesus Christ just because he heard of His glory.

I pray that all forces/spies that wait around looking for ways to ruin my glory God Almighty, Jehovah the man of war will bring them to ruins even before they stand in Jesus name. Amen

Busted Bubbles 3

The song that the Choirs were singing was;
Eagles Wings by Hillsongs and it goes thus;
Here I am waiting, abide in me I pray. Here I am longing for you.
Hide me in your love bring me to my knees. May I know Jesus more and more.
Come live in me all my life take over.
Come breathe in me and I will rise on eagles wings.
I felt like the choristers read my mind/mood before chosing to sing that song. It ministered to my  body, soul and spirit. I felt powerless like all my bones were broken. I just knelt down in the Church weeping and asking God to take over and help me to let go. I just realized how much burden I was carrying close to two decades.
When we got home later in the day, I told my parents about the dream. I opened up to them on how much I hate them for neglecting their duties and pursuing business and career in the expense of their Children. That day  my sister visited with her kids. It was helpfull she was around, she stood as the intermediary between I and our parents. It was an emotional day for me. I decided to let go of all the hurts and allow God to heal me.
Four months on, I have gradually gained comfort in reading the Bible. One day during my midnight  prayers I came across Matthew 19:26 KJV "But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible." I used it to pray concerning all my fears and pain. I fasted for days holding on thesame prayer point.
On the last day of my fast I had a disappointment at work. I was made redundant, I never saw it coming but I have come to the conclusion that nothing is Impossible for God to do. When I got home I told my parents, they encouraged me that something greater than that will come and I just believed.
Two months after that, on the 5th of August which was two days to my 34th birthday. I had a dream which gave a confirmation to my prayers. The lady I saw in my first dream came into my room and she was very friendly. She said she came to take me to the manufacturer. I did not understand but I followed her. We went on a horse very shiny and fast. We rode on gold plated road. When we got to the place I saw people dressed like surgeons. I started thinking why am I here.
Before I could say a word I was placed on a stretcher. Taken to a room and operated on. After this we went to a dinner and everyone wore white including the lady and I. I heard Angelic voice singing;
God want's to heal you.
Everywhere you hurt,Everywhere you hurt.
God will see you through, He'll take the pain away.
God shall provide for you each and everyday,lift your hands and say.
God I need you, I need you right away.
There I saw people without eye socket getting brand new eyes. Women carrying babies. The song was getting powerfull and powerfull things were happening. There I was given a new crown aside the operation and a Chair to sit next to a man.
This was when I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I wished the dream could continue. It was a company I sent a job application to. I was among those short listed for a Regional Manager position. I was to come in the next day for interview.
As I got to the interview room I had mix feelings. I was the third and last candidate attended to. I was told to expect a call later in the day to inform me about their decision.
I got so hungry on my way home so I went to Mcdonalds to get a meal. As I was going out a guy bumped into me spilling my drink. He was appologetic and offered to get me a new one which I refused but he insisted. He begged me to stay behind and eat there so he will be sure I forgave him. I agreed after much plea that was when my phone rang.
It was the company, I got the job I was very happy I could not hide it.
The guy introduced himself as Franklin Benedicts. We had a chat there and we exchanged business cards.
Franklin and I became good friends. On my 34th birthday which was the day after we first met, he sent birthday greetings to me very early in the morning. I wondered how he knew. Then I remembered John my brother called whilst we were eating at Mcdonalds and I told my brother he called a day early because my birthday was the next day.
It's been 8months since Franklin bumped into me at Mcdonalds and 8months at my new job. Franklin looked so much like the guy who sat next to me in my other dream.
Franklin came in one afternoon exactly a year after we met, a day to my 35th birthday. He said he has been praying concerning me and its thesame message he keeps getting that I am his wife. He did not want me to rush into anything but he said I should go and pray over it.
When I got home I told my parents about it. Infact they thought I was joking. Mum said she would join me in prayers.
Exactly 3months after Franklin asked that I should be his wife, I got an answer from the Lord and it was a confirmation to my dream. Even dad whom I thought was not bothered prayed along and told me the response he got which was same as mine.
I waited for another month before agreeing to the proposal.  Nine months later we got married having gone for pre-marital counselling in our churches. Life is so small it was during the family introduction that we knew that Franklin' s dad and my mum were family friends that lost contact more than 40years ago. It was a match made in Heaven indeed. A night to my wedding mum called to ask me if I told Franklin about Bro Tobias and my womb and I said yes.
Franklin's response was if it pleases God we will have our biological children and if need be we will adopt.
Two months after getting married against all odds I got pregnant. The doctors thought my bladder must have too much fluid until scan revealed a baby growing in me at 5months pregnant.
At 36years I had  Isaac Destiny Benedicts. The miraclous first fruit of a wombless woman. An invisible bubble floated and survived against all odds. Beyond human understanding. My parents were so happy.
When Isaac clocked three I had Rebekah and Elizabeth. The doctors were confused throughout the two pregnancies the scans shows no womb but whenever I deliver the wombs becomes visible.
My life journey started with pain but when I allowed God to step in. Though I felt like a busted bubbles before now I am a flying Eagle because God healed me. Halleluyah!!!
Friends, are you nursing hurts too much,  do you feel wasted,let down or abused. If my invisible bubbles can become visible through the power in Christ Jesus and His name. Yours is not  Impossible.
You can fly like Eagle.
You can fly on Eagles wings Just believe in God....
God wants to heal and bless you now accept him. He wants to make you a blessing as it is written in Genesis 12:2 KJV"and I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing".

Busted Bubbles 2.

I always look for a but in a man in order not to marry.

Dad had given up on me, he even sing a chorus for me to hear that"if you want to get married do so now and if you don't declare to the world".

We are now practising Christianity now unlike before that we do not go to church. I just see it as a social excuse, I go to church pay offerings and tithe. Contribute to church funding and help charitable organisations. I give because I have in abundance.

Mum has become a prayer warrior now. She prays every minute , even when she want to wear her clothes she prays. She has become a prayer freak which gets on my nerves.

She nags me all the time with" Joyce you don't pray, Joyce prayer is the key,Joyce live a life that pleases the Lord. Joyce! Joyce!! Joyce!!!

I make sure I am out of sight whenever she is on about prayer. Even though she knows I have no interest she will walk round the house and make sure I hear her praying. At times  Dad joins in when he is at home and they will sing from hymn to worship then to praise.

I join them when they sing the songs I like. Mum is so concerned about my marital life. She will fast, she will insist I fast which I do but as the Bible says in Isaiah 58:2-6 KJV"Yet they seek me daily, and delight to know my ways, as a nation that did righteousness, and forsook not the ordinance of their God: they ask of me the ordinances of justice; they take delight in approaching to God. Wherefore have we fasted, say they, and thou seest not? wherefore have we afflicted our soul, and thou takest no knowledge? Behold, in the day of your fast ye find pleasure, and exact all your labours. Behold, ye fast for strife and debate, and to smite with the fist of wickedness: ye shall not fast as ye do this day, to make your voice to be heard on high. Is it such a fast that I have chosen? a day for a man to afflict his soul? is it to bow down his head as a bulrush, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? wilt thou call this a fast, and an acceptable day to the Lord ? Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?"

My fast was for wrong reasons so its of no effect whatsoever in my life. I was basically going on hunger strike. My life was a denial.

I never healed from the pain&hurt caused by Bro Tobias in my life. When I am alone I cry and I blame God but when I am with my family and friends I appear to be the happiest. 

This is one of the reason's I give excuse in order not to get married. I find faults in men, they are either too tall, not educated enough,too godly, appear like a liar or dress too elaborate for me. It's always one excuse or another.

I suffer within everyday, the thought of me not  having a womb is just an unending nightmare for me. I will rather live my life achieving as much material things as possible. Give to people in need and enjoy life and when the time comes for me to leave the world to my maker, well I and my maker have scores to settle definately.

One day, a colleague of mine who happens to be a friend put to bed and I was invited to the christening of the baby the following saturday. I went extra length to get baby things infact you would think I was the one that had a baby.

At the Christening a young man in his 30s was conducting the programme. He was the a young Pastor according to my friend. After the naming the man of God quoted Hebrews 9:27-28 KJV"And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation."

He said just as we rejoice at the birth of the Child so will Heaven rejoice on every soul of a sinner that is saved. He said as we rejoice of the birth of a child though the Child to us human is innocent but he is a sinner. John 3:3 KJV "Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God." Except that New baby grew up accept Christ as his Lord and saviour he might die a sinner even though he was dedicated at birth to Christ.

At that point he said if anyone was there that moment and wanted to give their life to Christ or re-dedicate their lives the person should repeat after him. About 10 people raised their hand plus myself but I was shy but I said the words silently that " Lord Jesus indeed I acknowledge that I am a sinner. I know your blood shed on Calvary was for my sins. I dedicate my life to you today, come and take over. I accept you henceforth as my personal Lord and savior in Jesus mighty name amen.

After this prayer the Man of God prayed for all the guest in general and prayed for the baby and his parents as  well. The night went quickly but the Bible passage John3:3 did not go with the night it was stuck in my brain all night. Some tracts were distributed at the programme. When I got home, my parents were not in they had gone to church for prayer meetings I guess.

I decided to read the tract and the first message was from book of Matthew 19:20-23KJV "The young man saith unto him, All these things have I kept from my youth up: what lack I yet? Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions. Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Those words were the wake up call I needed. Since what happened to me as a child I have loathed my creator for allowing me to go through such experience. I wrote off my future based on my past. I always think to myself which man will marry a woman without a womb. I am like a busted bubble I am invisible though I am visible. What type of a woman am I if I can not reproduce. These thoughts I have kept in myself nursing it like a baby. It kept growing gradually as days go by.

As much as I loved to live I have desires to end my existence but my courage is so low on that. That night I knelt down read those words in the scriptures over and over again. I did not even realize I was weeping and I was just asking for mercy from God.

The next thing, I must have dozed off because I saw My spirit come out of my body just like its seen in movies. Someone guard me to a desert and I was alone there sitting with bags tied round my garment to a spot. I looked very disturbed. People passed me in the desert frequently, they stop by me one was running out of fuel in his car which I helped him fill up and he left. One was limbing because she had no shoes I gave her a brand new shoe, this quickened her step and journey. The last person was naked and I gave her clothes she smiled and left. The unbelieveable thing is the moment I reached out to this people they moved on but I was stuck in a position looking very uncomfortable. Then a lady appeared to me and she said Joyce why are you still here. You have been here for more than a decade. I reached out to her and begged her to help free me. She said the strength is in me to free myself if only I can untie my garment from the baggages. That was when I looked at the baggage one had God written on it, one had Bro Tobias and the last one my Parents. Then I saw a balloon ruptured and my name was on it.

I told the lady but they busted my balloon how can I let them go. Where do I get a new one from? The lady said let go then you will see with your own eyes that though you are static now you will begin to fly like an Eagle. That was when I woke up and heard mum calling my name. She came into my room and saw that I heard party clothes on, she asked why I did not take my clothes off. Even at 33years mum still treats me like a child. I told her I was too tired, she reminded me it was sunday and it's 9:30 am, Church Service starts at 10:30am. I quickly rushed to the shower and got ready within 35minutes. My parents were so surprised because I am the laid back type, I take my time in doing things but this morning was different. As I drove to Church with mum and dad at the back of the car, I kept thinking of the night before, that I rededicated my life to Christ, the trance-like dream I heard. I felt so scared and my heart was very heavy. Tears kept coming to my eyes buy I dare not let it drop. I wanted to avoid every form of questioning and drama that morning so I pretended like I had Cold. Faking the sneeze while the tears dropped. When we got to  Church, I dropped my parents at the main entrance while I drove to the car park to park the car. Wiped my tears which by now was flooding I had to put sun shades on to hide my red eyes thank goodness it was sunny.

The service was another breaking point for me. The Choirs were ministering when I was entered the church.

Busted Bubbles 1

From the Begining, my life has  being filled with pathetic occurrences.
I see no joy or have strength in toiling unnecessarily for what I know has no replacement.
I am Joyce a beautiful educated and intelligent young lady in my early 30s. I am 33years to be precise, I have achieved greatly in life  and I am still in the process of achiving more. I do not believe in going  to place of worship regardless of the denomination for the sake of receiving anything. I go to the place of worship to socialize meet up with community members,friends and dance to the every joyful sound of music rendered by the choristers it is always a mind blowing moment.
I was continually abused sexually from age 8years to age 14years. This is something I find very difficult to tell anyone.
I can't tell no one my ordeal in life. I smile and wear constant smile on my face but I walk about with a canoe loaded with sadness embedded in my body. The load keeps pulling me back without anyone to render help to me.
I was sexually abused by our driver, yes the driver my parents employed to take me to school. I was so fond of him as a little girl and trusted him so much. He used this trust I have in him as an opportuinity to take canal knowledge of me.
When it first started, he picked me up from school on a last day of school. When we got home, dad and mum were not in. They had accompanied my brother and sister abroad because they were resuming secondary school in Australia. They entrusted my care into the hand of the maid (Aunty Julia) and the driver(bro Tobias). It is not the first time my parents had travelled without us. They often go for business trips abroad and live I and my siblings back home in the care of Aunty Julia our maid. This was the very first time I was left all by myself with the maid and the driver.
On getting home that day Aunty Julia was about to go to the market. She quickly fixed my food and promised to be back soon.  Bro Tobias was with me in the main lounge. After eating I asked if he would play hide and seek with me and he agreed since we were the only one in. I was hiding in my room when brother Tobias found me He started tickling me and I was laughing.
I was only a child just 8 years Old and there and then Bro Tobias deflowered me. It was so painful, I screamed for help but our house is so big even people the next house can not hear me scream. It was so quick it went like a flash. After he had his way he begged me and said he loves me and that was his way to show his love to me. He begged me not to tell anyone, he said if I told anyone  they will not believe me. He also threatened to make life unbearable for me when he picks or drop me at school if I don't keep the secret.
I was in so much pain afterwards. Aunty Julia took forever to come back from the market. Bro Tobias gave me  some pills to relief the pain and I slept off.
When Aunty Julia came back and noticed I was asleep she asked bro Tobias why. He told her I vomited on my clothes because I had fever so he washed my clothe and he gave me some pain reliever which is why I am sleeping. He even said to Aunty Julia that I was missing my parents and siblings.
This occurrence continued afterwards. I grew to love Bro Tobias, when I see him with ladies I get so jealous. I was brain washed, I had a very rapid growth which meant at age 12years I already looked 15years because my body had grown fully like a teenager. The only thing was I did not see my period like girls of my age. My period started at age 13years and it came once every six months. The doctors said I had irregular periods and I was placed on some medicines to regulate it.
This went on for a while. When it was time for me to travel abroad just like my siblings to continue my educatiom, I refused. I told my parents I wanted to stay home because I would miss them. Mum suggested I was sent to boarding school within the country which I refuses because I did not want to be too far from Bro Tobias.
I grew more wild and canal minded. I stole money from my Parents to give to Bro Tobias. I even begged him to sleep with me. My childhood/teenage years was stolen away from me by someone my Parents trusted. Someone now seen as a member of the family. We were never caught sleeping together.
I literally saw him as my future husband. If I wore a clothe and he shows sign of disapproval even if my parents approved it I will change it to please him. I wrote  love poems and letter, read it to him. My code name was flora so my parents will not know.  I fodged letters to say school was taking us on a three day excursion my parents cared less. Their business was their first priority.
My parents never queried my excursions. Anytime I bring letter for excursion Tobias will take leave to go and see his family. Since I was the only one he is contracted to drive dad will tell him to take the car with him to his family, he should drop me in school for our excursion and pick me up when I return. We would go to the Hotel out of town I dressed up like his wife so we would not be querried or suspected by anyone.
I had gone so far in this way of life. Until one day, one special day. Aunty Julia had stopped working with us by now. I was 14year now making it exactly 6years since I have been sexually abused and sexually active. I and Tobias were busy in my room doing our thing. No one was home. Until the door opened and my mum was standing there watching us. She could not talk but she screamed. That was another stage of my ordeal. Mum contacted the police but while she was waiting for them Tobias escaped.
As he was running down the road the police cars were approaching, one of the cars followed him out of curiosity while the other one came to our house. Mum told the police what happened, she told them my age and Tobias's age who was 35years then. Mum sat down there crying uncontrollably. One of the police officers who was  a woman took me in to speak to me.  It took me a long time to open up to the Police officer. She told me that my secret will be kept and I need not to fear. She encouraged me to tell her how long the abuse has been going on which I told her.
Whilst Tobias was being chased down the road, he ran into coming  vehicle and that was how he ended his life. The message got to us and I was so  sad. I felt like something had gone missing in my life. I disagreed with everything that was said about Bro Tobias that he's been abusing me all these years.
Dad came back 2days later having heard about what happened and he came to meet me  at the hospital. Mum did not leave my side for a moment. She was becoming more than caring. A full check was carried out on me,all manner of test was done.
I was under so much stress and had to stay in hospital for two weeks. I had no infection whatsoever but something had damaged in me.
My womb had been ruptured and I can never carry a child according to the doctor. Infact the womb had to be removed to stop any form of infection. That was when I understood the level of damage Bro Tobias did to me. Everytime he had his way he gave me a medicine to use which makes me to sleep and when I wake up I urinate blood.
When I asked Bro Tobias then, he said it was normal and it show how good and perfect we were together. I am the quiet type even though I looked older than my age. I am  easy going. Very intelligent and loved by people.
I told mum about the medicine after much pestering. She felt so disappointed and kept appologising to me. She said she had let me down and she had not played her role as a mother. Which led to this great loss I encounter.
I now understand, why Bro Tobias always said it was a secret. I told mum I was the Flora Bro Tobias talked about. His unknown girlfriend. I revealed how I lied about my excursions and where I and Bro Tobias spend such time.
My parents were very sad. They realized they had let me down in a damaging way. They promised to step up to be a better parent.
That same year My parents and I relocated to Australia to join my siblings who were now in their first year in University.
It was a struggle for me to get over Bro Tobias and my past. I had to go for series of conselling which mum or dad accompanied me. I started  getting back to my normal self gradually but never healed.
After five years in Australia we relocated as a Family to the Republic of Ireland. My parents made a new programme between themselves. They do not leave us at home all alone at anytime. If dad travelled,mum stayed home and if Mum travelled dad stayed home.
Things went on for a while till I was becoming of marriageable age. I grew hatred for men apart from my brother. My elder sister got married at age 27years. She is now happily married with children. My brother who is the eldest now live in U.K. With his family. He got married at 28years.
I Joyce at 33years still find it difficult to keep a relationship. Men come, they show their interest, infact on two occassion I was nearly married.

The love of the Lamb of God.

So we do examination in order to move to the next level or to check our understanding and knowledge.

In life we under go different stages of examinations.
Some are easy to pass while some will nearly take your last breath if not for the grace of God that set us free.

In all these tests always look unto the Lamb of God.
Ask the Lamb for strength and grace to carry on.
Ask the Lamb for directions.
Remember the Lamb was born into sin that you and I may live again.
Even when we break His heart by sinking in sin, He still waits with open arms so we can come back to His embrace.

The Lamb of God feels our pain.
The Lamb of God Loves us unconditionally.
The Lamb of God always sees the best in us.
The love of the Lamb of God for us is unquantifiable.

So Friends, that stage you are now, through that pain the Lamb of God want to change your life and story to favours you to His glory...

I can never explain why the Lamb of God loves me.
At times I feel like am not qualified for that Love but the Lamb makes  me qualify.
Who am I to question Him.

Thank you for your love Lamb of God..