Matters of the Heart (ONOS 2)

I have been so overwhelmed by the things happening to me especially in my marriage. I don't understand and cannot figure out how I got to this situation.

Victor had been calling me non stop, although I don't pick the phone, he leaves messages and visit the children when I am not around Thanks to my mum for being extra nice. He sends money to my account for the children's upkeep. I honestly want to give up and let go, I am hurt beyond my imagination. If anyone had told me that I will encounter this in my life probably I would have treaded carefully before marrying Victor.

The past 8 months, I have dedicated more time to my Job and the children. I have more contracts than ever. I have an office space not far from my parents home. One day after work I got home quite late. I decided to go for a drive just to clear my head. When I got home mum was sitting in the Lounge looking quite restless. She is one of those mothers that get frightened if their child didn't get home within the usual time.

I apologised as I walked through the door.
Onos she said I need to talk to you, I didn't want to say no, so I sat down quietly opposite mum.

My Daughter, I have been through the worse in life and I wouldn't want you to grow through similar or same situation as myself. I need to share my story before it becomes too late or any further damage.

............................Mum's Story.............................

I met your Dad at a friend's house, they were cousins. From the day he saw me he became fixated and told his cousin his intention. I was quite adamant because I was unsure if I liked him or it. To cut the long story short we got married 3 years after the first time we met. I waited for six years before I could conceive. I gave birth to a boy and he was called Lawrence. When Lawrence came into our lives, we pampered him so much but I over-pampered him. I was so attached to him I did't realise I was neglecting my primary role as a wife. Your dad was pushed by my attitudes, he started sleeping around. I found out after six months that he was cheating on me. I confronted him and I fell into the depression it lingered in my  life for so long. Lawrence started feeling the heat of the strain in our marriage. One day I woke up very late but I had totally forgotten about my child, all I thought about was myself. it was not until 12 pm that I jolted myself out of my depression that I went to check on Lawrence. Alas he was stone cold, dead in bed he was only sixteen months. I fainted at the sight of that. Your dad came in just in time to get the ambulance to take me to hospital but they couldn't save Lawrence he died as a result of  Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). The statistics of children that died due to SIDS was very low at that time. When I was discharged I was arrested whilst they did investigations, it was double tragedy in a way. It was during this period that I met Christ, it was the darkest period of my life that led me to the everlasting life and light.
Your dad and I reconciled afterwards but  it took the loss of our child for us to come to our senses. I was released on bail after a month in prison but my name was kept in the record for 5 years. I was very careful around children because any mistake meant a longer jail term.

In the period of 5 years I got pregnant but the miscarriages followed. It was like God decided to give me a greater punishment. The last pregnancy nearly took my life in the process I lost my womb so I couldn't conceive again. Then my name was taken off the record. That was when we decided to go into fostering we fostered a lot of children. When you came into our lives your name drew me close to you and I prayed that you won't be taken away or they won't find adoptive parents for you. After 4 years of fostering you, we filed for your adoption. It was a struggle, after a year we were granted the adoption and I vowed to look after you just like my biological child.

The tear dropped from her left eye, Onos I know victor hurt you but he didn't cheat on you, He already had a child He should have told you but we all make mistakes.

She pulled me close to her, Onos my princess and joy I want you to forgive him. I see the pain in him when he visit the children when you are not home. You haven't listened to his part of the story.

By the time mum finished I was in tears, not because of my situation but for what my parents passed through before they could have a child to call their own. Now I see the reason they wanted to be grandparents. Mum I said "I will make amendment, thank you for sharing your story with me". We hugged and then she let out the well of tears she was holding back in both eyes.

......................Going Forward................

As I went to bed that night after praying I was listening to music as I usually do and the song was Moving Forward by Israel Houghton

I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead

Here to declare to you my past is over in you

All things are made new, Surrender my life to Christ

I'm moving, moving forward

You make all things new

You make all things new

Yeah, and I will follow you

said I will follow you

You make all things new

Yes You make all things new

And I will follow You forward

The weekend following my daughter and mother encounter, I allowed Victor to see me it's been nearly 9 months since I saw Victor. As he came in the children ran to him but he couldn't shift his gaze off me even though he was holding the boys. He had lost so much weight, I saw the pain and guilt in his eyes. He dropped the children gave them some things he bought for them. Mum came in to take the boys away so we could talk.

Victor knelt down as he begged for my forgiveness, he said his side of the story.

He was not married before, he had a girlfriend who had a child for him and that's the nurse. She used the document to get to every girl friend he had in the past but he managed to hide our relationship away from her prying eye especially when he moved away from the city the nurse lived. He said he does his right as a father to the child but have a relationship that isn't so good with the mother. He told me how she had burnt down his flat purposely at night and how he was saved at the last minute because of the sound of the smoke alarm. She could have gone to jail for that but he covered her for the sake of the child. He told me his parents misunderstood the part of the marriage bit when I called to inform them but because I didn't communicate with anyone aside my parent  after that no one could shed light on the dark things the lady told me. I couldn't help but notice how much weight Victor had lost, he smelt nice but the colour code of his dressing wouldn't be so if I was at home.

We made up after much explanation and we decided to renew our vow. I moved home two weeks after Victors visit. My parents told me they were travelling the night before that they will come and visit me when I am much settled at home.

As Victor parked the car I noticed the lawn was well groomed. The boys were just looking around but the didn't stop asking "mummy, daddy  ....." the rest of their word were in their baby language. As we entered the smell  coming out was of my favourite food, the lights were off. I went straight to switch it off the next thing I heard was S..U..R..P..R..I..S..E.. my parents and friends were there, work colleagues, neighbours and few family. I turned around to look at Victor, he was just giggling.  He came close and said Onos my love I vow never to hurt you again, I know we planned to renew our vow in couple of months but I decided to have it done now before all the people that matter to us in life.

Three months after renewing of our vow we moved from the house to another one quite close to my parents. I have learnt to listen no matter how bad the situation is. Victor had been quite supportive and more loving than before.  There is nothing that God cannot repair and there is no past that should be allowed to ruin one's future. As a family we attend a church and Victor has become quite close to God than the past. There is always a second chance if we don't give up.

Questions

Do You think Onos getting back with Victor was right?

Has there been a point in your life where you have allowed your past or someone else's past to rule the present or future?

Reflect on moving forward but first make your way right with God.

Matters of the Heart By Be Inspired by His Word 2017© 

Matters of the Heart ❤ (Onos)

My name is Onavughakpor (meaning who can predict what life can bring). People call me Onos.

I'm into graphic design. As a child I was very creative using everything I could lay my hands on to make different things.

Growing up was not so smooth for me but I never lacked. Being an only child, I found out I was adopted by my parents at 6years after being fostered from 2months old. I couldn't but appreciate the childhood I had.

My passion in creativity grew the more as I became an independent person so I decided to venture fully into graphic design. My work speaks volume anywhere it's showcased and it does me justice. I am recognised worldwide because it has brought me so much fame even to the most remote part of the world. So I must say I was doing well.

My adoptive parents were so much into me having the best in life and as they grew old, they did what parents do. They Started asking me to settle down so they can live to be grandparents.

With my posh lifestyle it was becoming a burden to find true love but something happened on a fateful busy day at work.

A man in his 40s came to sign a contract with my company and he was told I was the lady he needed to speak to if he wanted the best and outstanding designs.

My phone rang and the receptionist told me someone was waiting to see me....

...let him in .... I said...

After exchanging pleasantries we proceeded into business deal. He told me what he wanted and using my design expertise I was able to offer him the best deal and we came into agreement and the deal was signed. As we round up our conversation he ventured into asking me for a drink the next day. I was quite reluctant but there is no harm in trying something new because I hardly socialise outside my family.

The day came and without fuss I got ready for my date. As I walked into the restaurant, I was a bit confused because I couldn't locate the bar. Then a waiter approached me and accompanied me to the gentleman waiting for me at the bar. I couldn't even remember his name this must be the first to me such thing is happening to me but I knew it began with a V I guess I was captivated by his looks.

By the end of the time we spent at the bar, Victor told me his intention of taking the relationship further than business. I'm the type who doesn't like mixing pleasure with business which I told him.

18months down the line the contract signed with Victor Bernard's company was over but Victor seem to have interest in me still. During the period of the contract we met on occasions but my attitude had been just business and nothing else. Victor asked me again if I would consider him.

At 34years I wasn't getting younger and my parents were getting worried. Mum will call to inform me about every wedding of everyone I grew up with in the neoghbourhood. The pressure was rather becoming a load on its own.

I agreed to go in a relationship with Victor and all was good with him. He was such a gentle man. He never allow any opportunity pass him by without reminding me how much he loves me. 8months down the line we got married.

My parents were more ecstatic than I was. A year into the marriage I gave birth to a baby boy. The joy was short lived because he was born with cerebral palsy. At 6months he died. That was the beginning of my marital ordeal.

I got pregnant again, at 8 weeks I lost the pregnancy this happened within two years of marriage I was feeling the weight of these tragedy so bad I had to quit my job. As things became really unbearable Victor stood by me without a doubt. He was the man, the friend, the helper and anything I could ask for.

I was watching TV one afternoon, when I accidentally tuned to a Christian Channel. I don't go to church even though I believe in God. The message caught my attention because it was titled what next after loss.
The preacher was using the story of the woman by the well. How she had 5 husbands. When the Preacher quoted John 4:26 "I am he,” said Jesus. “You don’t have to wait any longer or look any further.”
I felt like I was being spoken to directly as the preacher concluded the he asked those who wanted to give their life to Christ to confess the salvation prayer and I did. I became a born again Christian.

Two weeks later I discovered I was pregnant. One day whilst sleeping I heard Victor talking harshly to someone on the phone I have never heard him speak in that tone before. I laid still in bed but I couldn't figure out who he was talking to.

I spent time joining the church programme on TV and my faith grew. As God will have it I gave birth to two boys with no health condition whatsoever. My parents and everyone were so happy.

At 5months, I took the boys for immunisation. The Nurse that attended to me became so uneasy when she saw my name Onos Bernard. After the immunisation she became being extra nice and inquisitive asking about the children my husband but I didn't think much of it. She told me she was going to be the nurse taking care of the children as she is the new practice nurse.

Being a parent gave me reasons to go back to my dream career so I started my own company and started working from home so I could look after the boys. Mum and Dad spends time when they can to help me out.

One day the Nurse called me, she needed some designs so I decided to give her the address to my house so we could finalise the negotiations.

On getting to my house she was so fixated on Victor's pictures. She was interrogating me again about Victor when we started our relationship and some personal questions. I think whatever she had in mind she couldn't hold it anymore.

....she had to spill it.....

Nurse Ionna came to my house with marriage and divorce papers. She was Victors ex-wife, they have a daughter who has cerebral palsy. That led to their divorce as they couldn't live together with the reality of caring for a disabled child. They quarreled over everything so they decided to divorce but she had the custody of the girl.

She said she was aware Victor remarried but never knew he had another child. She told me she got transferred to our city prior to the first time I took the children for immunisation. Ionna left after divulging the load of a harsh secret of my husband to me.

I was quite unsettled, I put the boys in the car, packed some bits and drove two hours south to my parents. Throughout the drive I was asking Jesus to take the wheel as tears well up in my eyes. My parents couldn't believe it when I told them all that happened even sgowing them the papers Ionna brought because she left a copy for me to show Victor.

I blamed my parents especially my mother for pressuring me into marriage. I didn't leave any message for Victor as to where I was with the children. I also switched my mobile off. My parents called Victor's family to inform them. They confirmed it was true but thought I was aware before marrying Victor.

Two days later He turned up at my parents house. I am torn between giving him a divorce, hearing his part and moving on with the marriage but my faith says no to marrying a divorcee or getting a divorce. What can I do?

What do you think Onos should do?

Is it wise to get a divorce based on what Ionna said?

How will she balance faith with the dilema she is in.

Copyright Be Inspired(By His word) 2017©

Matters of the Heart

Matters of the Heart 💞❤💔 28/1/2017

All night I was unable to have a straight conversation with Ropo. As we were about to go to bed, He appeared lost and totally forgot to lead our night prayer. I summoned courage and I led the prayer he was co-operative. It gave me a sense of relief but I still had my thoughts so heavy as a mountain weighing me down.

The next day was a friday, Ropo left rather late for work. He appeared calmer than the previous night. I prepared his breakfast but I didn't eat because I decided to go to God in prayer and fasting. Ropo was very concerned that I didn't eat, I didn't want to tell him I was fasting because He would ask when that started because we often fast together and he will want to know the reason for the fasting and prayer. I didn't want to lie either. As he left for work he planted a lovely kiss on my lips that sent shivers down my spine, I am rather confused, was this not the man that hardly spoke to me last night. Even as I initiated different conversations he just answered like he wasn't bothered.

(my thought was running wild)
Should I just break the fast at least with what happened this morning, it's a sign that Ropo isn't aware of the whole situation.
Hmm! This is quite selfish, what about my pregnancy, I need to do something fast, it's fast approaching six weeks. No I won't allow the enemy to still my joy by causing confusion for me.

As I waited on God in prayers Using Psalms 51 to seek the mercy and forgiveness of God. I poured my heart out in prayer and I lifted Ropo's heart into God's hands. Ropo called later in the day that he had to go on emergecy trip from work and He wouldn't be back home until late Saturday evening. At first I thought probably he was doing further investigation on what he heard, I was nearly panicking but I rested on the word of God. Throughout that night I prayed like I haven't done before seeking God's face.

The next day as I was doing my normal house chores, a bottle fell from the shelve shattering right on my right foot leaving a deep cut. I managed to take the broken piece out of my foot as it was not so deep and stopped the bleeding. I felt the presence of a divine being in the room.

(look at your foot the cut will leave a scar there that you will see for the rest of your life. Every child given to a woman born or unborn(due to human choice) have a purpose to fulfill. Just like that cut they cut through to the earth through their mother leaving a lasting memory on the mother in order to impact the world. I have plans for every child and every pregnancy. I have heard your cry and forgiven you. Your days of trouble and unfruitfulness are over it's your time of harvest. Draw near and closer to me than you have ever being).

I dropped on the floor leaving the blood on my foot and I just worshipped God, how merciful is my creator, I did wrong but He didn't cut me off, Abba father you are wonderful. I later got up and dress the wound. I spent the rest of the day making food for Ropo and silently rehearsing how I will open up my past to him. I had a strong conviction in me that God is in control.

Ropo came back close to midnight, I waited for so long and couldn't remember when I slept off. I woke up in the night to go to the toilet, behold Ropo was by myside in bed. He jumped up immediately asking if I was ok pointing at my foot.

I explained what happened to him, He couldn't help it seeing me tip-toeing. On the foot so he decided to carry me to the toilet and waited for me till I finish and carried me back to bed. I became more restless in my thought turning from one side to the other.

Ropo asked me what the problem was because he noticed I couldn't sleep. I said I would tell him in the morning. He insisted I told him there and then. I didn't know how I started but after so much hesitation, I told him. His countenance didn't change much instead he sighed heavily and said he had something in mind to tell me.

This was what he said;
I fell into the wrong crowd whilst in school. Being a preacher's son the pressure was more on me. I made a mistake and slept with a course mate. She left to study in another country after that semester. Two weeks ago I bumped into her at the mall. She had a little girl with her, I couldn't recognise her(my course mate) but she recognised me. After brief chatting we exchanged numbers and she wouldn't stop calling me. Then she told me the girl I saw with her was my child. I didn't believe it, she started threatening me. She was going to tell one of our clients to withdraw his contract from my company. She threatened to come to my house, she said she have your number and was going to call you to inform you about her and the child. She knows my parents as well and she threatened to inform them. That was the day I was calling you non stop from work but you didn't pick up. I got home you didn't look happy so I decided to throw tantrums and see if you would tell me if she called but you didn't. I am sorry darling.... I insisted on a DNA test..... And the result will be out soon... I am praying for mercy my past is catching up on my future.

I couldn't say a word afterwards. So we were both guilty and hiding away from each other. But the word of God says they were both naked(Genesis 3:7) but we were partially naked. Secrecy was the foundation of our marriage. If God can forgive me I must forgive my husband so together we sought the face of God and asked for the truth to be revealed about the child's father.

It's been three weeks since the test, throughout those weeks I caught Ropo twice in deep thoughts. I respected his emotions and reactions so I just asked for God's will. The result of the DNA came through and Ropo......... Was not the father of the child.

Two days later I became very ill and ended up in the hospital. After the treatment I was advised by the doctor to stay home and rest because I was stressing myself too much and it could affect the pregnancy. Ropo looked at my face, when the doctor left with so much smile on his face, he asked me "did you hear the doctor." I said yes, I knew all this while but due to our past experience(s) I didn't want to jinx it that was why I kept quiet about it.

This one is un-jinx-able (he said with assurance) because it is the Lord's doing and it is already marvellous in our sight.

I was discharged from the hospital. Couple of months later, I put to bed set of Triplet. Our God is awesome indeed old things have passed away and behold all things have become new. If I knew that God would wipe my tears away with so much joy I wouldn't have kept the unnecessary secret, nothing is hidden from God because He knows the end from the beginning.

I and Ropo are adjusting into the life of the parents of Triplet. Hallelujah!

Ponder on the questions;

Do you think Ropo did what was right in finding out the child's paternity before informing his wife?

Do you think the wife did well by seeking God's face in prayer before informing the husband?

If you were in the position to advise a couple in a similar situation what will your approach and advise be?

Do you think assumption nearly ruined this happy home?

Check your life for any secrecy and repent also erase assumptions because it damamges relationships.

Matters of the Heart 💓💔💕 Cactus 2

As I opened the letter my hands started shaking, I didn't know what to expect.

Dear Mum, I know you are doing well, I spoke to Dad two days ago and he agreed with me that it's best I put what I want to tell you in writing. I am going to Asia for voluntary work  for one year. I don't know how you will feel considering the situation at hand about Denis. You know how passionate I am about helping the needy and this opportunity is one I wouldn't want to lose. Mum I promise to keep in touch. I have resigned from my job in London hopefully when I return I will get another one. I love you Mum and I will make sure I call you everyday. Take care of yourself and please don't be angry at Dad, he tried speaking me out of it, but I  have already committed myself to it. don't worry mum I will be fine.With LoveRosaxxx

Oh no! what is this again, she must be joking. I got my phone and tried to call her (as i paced up and down in the living room) but it was going to voicemail. Ross came in and saw my face, he must have sensed what was going on. You knew all this while Ross and you didn't tell me why. I am calling her but it's not going through. I am so sorry darling he said, she must be on the flight already that is why. I tried speaking her out of it but she already made her mind up. She loves to give, I can remember when she was in school how she used to go to any length to raise funds for different charities, she participated in the marathon just to raise funds. Dafina love, he held me in a tight embrace, I know you are scared, nothing is going to happen to Rosa, she will be fine. I couldn't talk I just wept quietly as he held me. 

Two weeks after the letter we didn't hear from Rosa I was so anxious, it was not the promise she made in her letter. I haven't prayed in a long time but I remember my late parents said "when it's beyond man it can never and will never be beyond God so pray" I just prayed to God to keep Rosa safe and to bring Denis back home. Eloise finished her course at University same month. she was home most of the time. I became overprotective, she was nearly having nervous breakdown because I checked on her all the time even when she was in the house. when it was exactly three weeks that Rosa left as I sat down watching TV one afternoon the house phone rang. I nearly didn't pick it because I thought it was probably another telesales. I have been picking every calls since Rosa left and now I just feel like something has happened to my daughter. After the fourth ring I picked it and

  It was a man as he said hello and I responded, the line sounded quite faint until the familiar voice came through it was Rosa. 

Rosa: Mum I'm so sorry, I should have called you but the airline mistakenly forgot my bag in the country where we had  stop over. I know you must be worried. I am sorry mum.. hello, hello.. 

Dafina: I am here Rosa I was worried, but I am happy now. Have they found your bag,

Rosa: yes they have. I  had my mobile but for some reason it wouldn't work? I am yet to collect my bag. I am in a very remote village no electricity or water. This is the only place where I can make call but mum I love it here, seeing myself helping people directly. How is Eloise and Dad.I miss you all.

Dafina: they are fine, I miss you too sweetheart. I need you to keep yourself safe. I know you are there to help but make sure you stay out of danger. I can't believe I wouldn't see you until next year. Is there a number to call you on, anyway to send an email?

Rosa: Mum we will be leaving here tomorrow to the city there I can get a new mobile phone and call you, mum give me your mobile number and dad's please. 

(Dafina gave her my number and her dad's.) Rosa promised to call and I just felt like holding her. 

Ross woke up after the call ended and I told him. He had that I told you so look on his face. For the first time in three weeks I actually smiled. I wish I could smile over Denis's issue as well I told Ross. Ross had this calm all will be okay nature, no matter how I panicked he was just there supporting like he has the solution already. That has been one of the things that have kept me going all this years since Denis has been missing. He will always say re-assuredly that he will come home. I begged him to help me one more time to go in search of Denis and if I don't find him this time I will know that is the end but never forget till I die. Ross said when I am ready he is ready as ever.

It's was summer time, a couple moved to the next house to our house. They seem so different from everyone around us. One day as I was going out the wife saw me and she came to me. She sounded so polite but with a very strange accent, I couldn't place the accent, if she was American, Canadian so I decided to ask. She told me she's originally from Zimbabwe but grew up in Australia, the way I repeated Aus..tra..lia she looked at me, it was like I heard a ghost speak. She told me they own a company they just established a branch in Glasgow which was why they relocated. As time went by, I got to know the Moko family, Rebecca and Nathan were lovely couple. They made sure they checked on Ross and I , even Eloise loved to see the couple anytime they come for tea which was how we got to know them better. One day they came for tea as usual, and they brought a big hamper with different lovely and expensive things in it. There were three Bibles in it, each customized with our names on the hard cover.

There was the night this lovely couple told us that aside the company, they were ministers in Church. They told us how they became Christians, they have been married for ten years but they actually looked like newly weds the way they relate with each other plus they looked quite young. They told us that they were on their way out on a family drive out in Australia when they were involved in an accident and only three people survived out of the cars that collided. In this fatal accident they lost their 8 years old daughter and Rebecca lost the pregnancy she was carrying then. Before they finished the story,  I was already in tears as it brought the memories of my parents and Denis back. They told us that the cars burnt down but they came out without a wound but unconscious. They said whilst in hospital for almost three weeks they were unconscious and the doctors were thinking of switching the  life machine off but miracle happened. There was a nurse that worked on the ward they both were, anytime she came into the room Rebecca or Nathan was they will move, when she told the Doctors they didn't believe her but they did some investigation by following her to the rooms and staying by the door and indeed they saw them move. But she always sang a song whilst in the room;

Someone's calling out your name, Calling time and time again
Can you hear Him calling
Can you hear Him calling
He's been calling very long, He's been calling for so long
Can you hear Him calling
He's been calling you
His Jesus Jesus Jesus, is at the door 

Don't let him walk away
He's so patient but, don't take a chance
All you need to do is open the door
Let Him take his rightful place
So He can change your world

Open up the door..

Jesus Christ is waiting, the lamb of God is waiting

He just want to bless you open up the door...

(by Nathaniel Bassey)

They woke up two days later after the doctors realized what was happening. She was the one who led them to Jesus, they told us although they lost their children but God has remained unchanged in their lives. A year later they had another child but she is in Australia with Rebecca's family. I couldn't help it anymore the pain of a missing child and losing my parents became so fresh. I had to leave, Eloise came to console me while Ross explained to the Moko's that we have a son that was missing and he went missing in Australia. I came back to join them later and I was led to Christ, if he can bring the Moko's back to life and give them another child after losing one and a pregnancy I have hope that he will bring Denis home.

Rebecca became so close to me and my family as her husband travelled far and wide for the gospel and their company but she worked from home most time. My family became born again Christians through the Moko's family. Eloise found work in New Jersey and decided to relocate but I didn't panic, Rosa came back a year and two month after she went for the voluntary work in Asia. She was surprised to see how changed I was, no more panicking and my way of speaking had changed. My faith  affirms daily especially on the case of Denis. One night Ross fell from the stairs and broke his knee, I thought I was going to lose him, he was in the hospital for close to a month. Rebecca and Rosa came on daily basis. Rosa got engaged to Lawrence a guy she met while volunteering he was from Australia as well. After Ross was discharged from hospital he had to retire from work,  It gave us time to spend together as I had to retire to look after Ross. 

Nathan came back from one of his long trip one day and insisted he needed to see me and Ross. As he walked in with Rebecca I couldn't read their countenance, they said they had some information they wanted to share with us. A family joined their church back in Australia and they have been involved immensely in the church. The last time Nathan visited he was able to meet them but the wife could tell him much about her family but the husband couldn't the wife said she met him when he was due for discharge from hospital after an accident which happened to be thesame accident the Moko's were involved in but unfortunately he had profound memory loss. He couldn't even remember his name and no identity card was found on him, due to the cars catching fire he probably lost all in that fire. 

As Nathan was narrating that story I had a feeling of the void in my heart filling up, I said what is his name, Nathan said Daniel, do you have a picture of him. He passed the picture to Ross who for the first time had tears filled in his eyes. I knew it was Denis before I was given the picture, as I held the pictures my tears of joy finally dropped it was Denis. Nathan said Daniel's wife has tried to find his family but no luck. She said of recent he will just call mama and starts crying, he keeps saying he had a dream and he saw his mama and when he tried to hold her there was a bridge to cross and as he tried to cross over he woke up. He has had same dream three times in the past month.

Two weeks later we embarked on a journey to Australia, I told Eloise to join us there because we don't know who he will recognise among all of us in real life. I was sleepless for nearly two weeks prior to the trip. I kept praying to God and one night just like someone was speaking to me. To open Joel 2:25-27 " and I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the Caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which i sent among you. and ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you; and my people shall never be ashamed. and ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God, and none else; and my people shall never be ashamed".

I knew God was telling me that he has brought my son back to me and I just praised Him. The day came for us to go, I already pack everything that could bring his memory back from childhood picture from when my parent's were raising him and the picture of the accident scene he was when my parent's died and only him survived.

As we got out of the Airport in Melbourne I felt an extra peace within me. When we got to the church house that Nathan and Rebecca lived. About an hour later Eloise arrived. Nathan had briefed Daniel(Denis)'s wife(Clara) about all of us and that we are Denis's family. I saw a lady come up with a baby and a toddler then I saw Denis come up with two boys they looked like twins. Oh! it was Denis, he came in didn't recognise anybody but me he stood in front of me looking like he was getting dizzy then said "mama, mama" I held him in my arms crying. I had all the pictures from birth to the most recent he sent to us whilst he was studying in Australia before we stopped hearing from him. When he saw the picture of the accident scene of my parents he recognised it and said grand ma and grand pa.

It took 10years before Denis came back. He has his Identity back. It was glorious and divine restoration, just like a cactus, the appearance looked dangerous but inside it is succulent. From the afar my life situation seem bad but the end bit is joy. You wouldn't get inside a Cactus without breaking the spiky body so I went through the worst just to be restored with 4 grandchildren and my son. Three months later Rosa got married, Eloise Returned back to America. The Moko's had another child even when they didn't expect it. God is God alone, the king that can never share His Crown. Through the darkest moment he was there, I love you Jesus.

Matters of the Heart

Matter of the Heart 💞❤💔 21/1/2017

I was 18years when it happened. I was living in the city with my family. I attended University far away from home and my parents were glad they didn't have to pay for accomodation because my paternal aunt lived so close to my chosen university.

All was going well and good until one night. I went to a party with friends from Uni, I came home quite tipsy it was actually my first time of drinking alcohol and it affected me so bad.

I got home around 2am. My cousin Semi was the only one awake everyone had gone to bed. I must have fallen in his arms that night as I staggered into the house. One thing led to another and we had sexual intercourse. Yes my cousin... He was the first man I knew..

The days after that went in a flash, I couldn't recollect what happened but I knew I was no longer intact. I kept trying to remember but I couldn't, after a month I discovered that I was pregnant.

I was crying in the room one afternoon after I discovered. Semi came in we were so close, he couldn't hide the guilt. I didn't know what to do,*Incest* we are in danger, we are Christians, same blood, my parents will kill me,I mean our parents will kill us that was all I could mutter.

I confided in a friend, If I wasn't tipsy Semi won't have done what he did. My friend advised me to abort it. *Abortion* me, an usher and sunday school teacher. Incest Jesus how can I survive this?

10 years later I am a married woman, I adore my husband, we have good business we run as a family. But its been 4years of heart ache. Everytime I conceive at exactly 6 weeks I mysteriously lose the pregnancy. We have been praying and fasting but is like God is angry with us.

Ropo is a child of a preacher and my parent in-law are so in love with me. I love Ropo as well, we relocated far away from our family about 3months ago and we just started worshipping in a new church. Ropo booked an appointment for us to see the Pastor for prayers. He (the pastor) was quite young, whilst we were having the appointment with the Pastor his wife came in and she was my best friend Linda from University days(we lost contact after Uni)  the one that helped me with the abortion.

Three weeks later we went to church and Linda was preaching as her husband was abroad for a conference. Linda practically used my past to preach. I barely sat down on one side of my bum throughout the service. We got home and I wasn't myself at all.

Two days later Ropo came home and he wouldn't talk to me, he was throwing tantrums. I don't know what the problem is. I am almost 6 weeks gone because I found out I was pregnant but I haven't told Ropo yet. I am torn apart inside, I am an emotional wreck but I can't show it.

How do I tell my husband that at 18years my cousin defiled me?

How do I tell him I conceived and aborted at 6 weeks then?

How do I tell him that Linda my Pastor's wife was my mate that took me to the doctor to have an abortion and paid for it?

How do I go to church and worship whole heartedly?

My heart is bleeding what should I do?©

Matters of the Heart

Matters of the Heart 💓💔💗💕

I was jogging down the fields. It has been a routine for me for some months I could say path of a new year resolution that I manage to fulfill.

Often times when i go for exercise i might or might not see people 'cause I reside in a countryside. This day was an unusual day, i kept waking up even before my alarm went off. It got to a point i woke up like every 20 minutes. I gave up sleeping so I decided to get ready for my exercise earlier than I used to. I took my headphone and my music device then switched music on but the music kept skipping I tried for some minutes but no joy came out of it so I decided to listen to the Bible instead. As the Bible message played on my device I had time to digest some words more than i have in the past. The ones i don't understand I play it back again and pray as I continued my exercise that the Holy spirit give me more understanding of the word. As I listened I had more revelation. The reading of 1 John 1 just ended and it was moving on to the second chapter.



I saw a man ahead of me sitting on a chair on the field. I was not sure if I should move on but the confidence to move on the same route was so strong i couldn't turn back. As I approached the man who sat with his face in his hands wailing and screaming like a lost child. I could hear him say

"God where are you, i thought they said you existed. How can you watch me go through all this. What have I done to deserve this. I am sure you are fraud not God. If you cared indeed like its widely said why am I in this mess"

At that point i stopped and turned round to speak to him. I don't know what came over me but the urge to go back to this stranger became stronger as I approached him. I greeted him but he didn't take note of me being there, so i decided to tap him slightly on his shoulder. He jumped away from the seat and looked dead long at me with tight fist. If i wasn't a lady he would have hit me because I caught him unaware which frightened him.


What is your problem he said, who are you and why are you here, he was trying so hard to compose himself and keep the tears from running but he couldn't. He fell on the floor weeping. I move closer to him and introduced myself to him. I am Vivienne and I was just jogging by when I heard you crying and saying God doesn't exist. He didn't say a word.

From the way I see you, it seem like you have been let down in fact broken beyond human repair. But your outburst is against the only one that can repair you. Please if you don't mind can I know your name...


He looked at me sniffing as he said Julius. I offered him my hand to get up from the floor, with a bit of hesitation, he grabbed my hand and stood up. His hands were so cold. I said you must have been out here for a while and he nodded. I still had my Bible playing, as it reached 1 John2:22 (talking about denying Christ) I stopped it so I could listen to Julius.

He said....

I have been out here for hours, I have lost everything. I have nothing to live for no wife or children because I am not married. I worked hard to get to where I was. I gave to humanity, I helped people I never met in my life. Just sixteen months ago I lost my job on the basis of what I knew nothing about. Friends that I have helped several times turned their backs against me. People I paid their children's school fees back in my home country became my enemy because i couldn't anymore. I called some of them who i thought would understand but afterwards they gave me attitudes because they thought it was all lies.

I have been good to people, my parents (he sigh). I can't even take care of them like I want to. Good thing they live in this country but quite far away from me. Yesterday I lost my house because I couldn't pay the mortgage. Yet I get texts from people asking me for money. Even in my state I help people secure enployment but I can't get any what is the point of living. I don't party or live a wayward life but I see friends who do opposite and God is blessing them. I have been out here since last night I can't remember how many hours. I just want to end it today waiting for the caretaker of the field to open the pond gate then I can end there.

He just couldn't help the tears rolling down. I felt touched by Julius's story. He showed me his previous work I.D. and various card to back his story. He said he kept it on him so when his body is found they can identify him. I felt bad but I think God woke me up to come and save Julius soul. I sat with him for about two hours telling him about God. I asked if he ever had an encounter with Jesus. Which he said no that he only went to church occasionally. I told him about the love of Christ and that Jesus made me to come out earlier than i do because of him. I told him about the lost sheep in Luke 15:4-7 how out of hundred one got lost and the shepherd went out to search for the lost sheep until he got it back. I don't know how or what happened but Julius became calmer by the end of all my talking and I was able to lead him to Christ. He told me he was homeless and he didn't want to be a burden to his parent.


As God will have it, I had a room in a property i managed i offered Julius to stay there. It took about three months of brokenness and total surrender to God for Julius to work out what God wanted him to do with his life. In 12 months he became a business owner and an employer instead of an employee. Friends who departed were calling him to hook up for a drink. At first he was resentful but I told him to go and read the story of Job. Julius was able to forgive his friends and move on. Julius is doing quite well in his business and He is taking God more serious in his life. He is able to look after his parent and soon he will be settling down to marry the love of his life. Devil wanted him to end his life when his story was about to change as God was about to open a new chapter.

Morals💭

As Proverbs 23:5 says when you set your eyes upon that which is not? For riches certainly make themselves wings like an eagle that flies to heaven AMP


Never make riches your security because It can vanish anytime.


God is the only one that bless without adding sorrow.


If someone once helped you and they can't anymore don't judge them because you don't know what they are going through.


Don't base your friendship or relationship with anyone just because of what you can get from them.


At times God prompts us to do things even though it may seem stupid obey God that was what Vivienne did.


Always have a relationship with God.

Share the your thoughts or any circumstances where people had let you down or judged you just because you couldn't meet up with their expectation.

Matters of the Heart❤

*Matters of the Heart 💔❤💞*

It was a dark cold winter evening, Loretta sat down on the bed as she watched her twin boys and girls sleep. She had four children and they were beautiful lovely children. Loretta was a young widow a very young one at that, she was only 29years. She got married at 24 to the love of her life Donald. Donald was a millitary man. The first two years of their marriage the Lord blessed them with multiple birth hence them having twin boys and girls. The boys were 5years and the girls 4years.

Donald had been a millitary officer for well over 7years he was 35yrs when he was gun down in a road side gand shooting whilst walking down the road just to get some groceries from the nearby supermarket.

It's just been 6months since the death of Donald. Due to childcare Loretta was not working when her husband was alive she was a stay at home mum. Things have been quite difficult. Some families and friends have rallied around the Duncans but the load of the bills and finances where getting heavier by day.

Loretta is a believer she trusts God for everything. Unfortunately her family and Donald's family lives in another country and for her to relocate to their family a lot of paperworks needs to be done and it was taking longer than expected.

As Loretta stared at the children sleeping tears welled up in her eyes and she couldn't help but cry. The next day was Christmas but there was no food in the house. She has used all the money she had to pay bills and keep the roof on their head. The life insurance company are yet to make the pay for Donald's life insurance so things were looking gloomy.

She tearfully recited Psalms 121, Psalms 20 and emphasised on the fact that the one who keeps Israel does not sleep nor slumber, she also prayed that if God provides for the birds of the air, the ants, the fish He will provide for her and her children.

She dozed off after the prayer just by the edge of the big double kingsize bed she and Donald used to sleep on. She saw herself so withdrawn and her children very malnourished and crying then, Donald approached them with bags of clothes and food she ran to him and was asking him where he had gone all this while he didn't say much but smile.

A very tall being stood beside him and Donald said He is taking care of me and He will take care of you. This great being embraced the whole Duncan family. In split seconds the rags they had on became glowing lovely clothes. The skinny faces became robust and they were smilling. Loretta and Donald started dancing. She heard one of the children calling her " mooma, mooma,mooma" and she was being shaked then she fell on the floor that was when she woke up.

Joshua said momma someone is at the door. The doorbell was ringing constantly. Wao!! she checked the time it was 9am Christmas morning she rushed downstairs.

When she opened the door all she could see was delivery boxes, groceries in bags it was well over two months shopping. She walked down the road looking for the delivery man. Alas! There was no delivery man. She carefully checked the delivery her name was on it and the boxes had the names of the children. With faith she began to move the delivery in, Joshua and Jeremiah helped as little as they could Miriam and Mary came downstairs looking happy and surprised.

Christmas was celebrated like they were rich, the children kept saying santa came in the night but Loretta corrected them by saying Jesus showed up at the right time.

The children started singing 🎵🎵Jesus loves me this I know🎵🎵. Loretta sat down giving praise to God. A week after Christmas it was new year Loretta was still baffled by the Christmas day surprise. Her neighbour Miss Constance a lovely Christian widow invited Loretta and the children over. She started showing them around her house telling them the history of the house. Two weeks later Miss Constance died she never had a child. A letter came through the post for Loretta, in it was the details of the mystery Christmas shopping it was Mrs. constance she said when Donald was alive he always stopped by to keep her company at times he goes shopping and drops food off for her without charge, he even ran errands for her but when he died she was devastated because she saw him as the child she never had. Since she was dying of a terminal illness she decided to spend some of her savings to surprise the Duncan family on Christmas day.

She wrote in her will that her property should be given to the Duncan family, her life insurance was paid to Loretta and the children, Donald's life insurance came through as well. Loretta couldn't believe it God is indeed wonderful.

Loretta turned Mrs Duncan's home to a place for the homeless and needy and every Christmas she and the employees go around the streets looking for people in need to surprise or family in distress through this process she evangelise to them and win souls for Christ. Loretta's calling was to go to the needy and win their souls.

*Morals*: Jesus came to win souls not just as a gift to be shared within the believers but unbelievers as well.

Have you ever suffered a loss that nearly turned your world upside down? As there been a time when Christ showed up to you let us share our testimony of the zero hour Jesus turned to Hero hour.

Also do you think Loretta channelled the money to right course?

Matters of the ❤

*Matters of the Heart 💔❤💞*

It was a dark cold winter evening, Loretta sat down on the bed as she watch her twin boys and girls sleep. She had four children and they were beautiful lovely children. Loretta was a young widow a very young one at that, she was only 29years. She got married at 24 to the love of her life Donald. Donald was a millitary man. The first two years of their marriage the Lord blessed them with multiple birth hence them having twin boys and girls. The boys were 5years and the girls 4years.

Donald had been a millitary officer for well over 7years he was 35yrs when he was gun down in a road side gand shooting whilst walking down the road just to get some groceries from the nearby supermarket.

It's just been 6months since the death of Donald. Due to childcare Loretta was not working when her husband was alive she was a stay at home mum. Things have been quite difficult. Some families and friends have rallied around the Duncans but the load of the bills and finances where getting heavier by day.

Loretta is a believer she trusts God for everything. Unfortunately her family and Donald's family lives in another country and for her to relocate to their family a lot of paperworks needs to be done and it was taking longer than expected.

As Loretta stared at the children sleeping tears welled up in her eyes and she couldn't help but cry. The next day was Christmas but there was no food in the house. She has used all the money she had to pay bills and keep the roof on their head. The life insurance company are yet to make the pay for Donald's life insurance so things were looking gloomy.

She tearfully recited Psalms 121, Psalms 20 and emphasised on the fact that the one who keeps Israel does not sleep nor slumber, she also prayed that if God provides for the birds of the air, the ants, the fish He will provide for her and her children.

She dozed off after the prayer just by the edge of the big double kingsize bed she and Donald used to sleep on. She saw herself so withdrawn and her children very malnourished and crying then, Donald approached them with bags of clothes and food she ran to him and was asking him where he had gone all this while he didn't say much but smile.

A very tall being stood beside him and Donald said He is taking care of me and He will take care of you. This great being embraced the whole Duncan family. In split seconds the rags they had on became glowing lovely clothes. The skinny faces became robust and they were smilling. Loretta and Donald started dancing. She heard one of the children calling her " mooma, mooma,mooma" and she was being shaked then she fell on the floor that was when she woke up.

Joshua said momma someone is at the door. The doorbell was ringing constantly. Wao!! she checked the time it was 9am Christmas morning she rushed downstairs.

When she opened the door all she could see was delivery boxes, groceries in bags it was well over two months shopping. She walked down the road looking for the delivery man. Alas! There was no delivery man. She carefully checked the delivery her name was on it and the boxes had the names of the children. With faith she began to move the delivery in, Joshua and Jeremiah helped as little as they could Miriam and Mary came downstairs looking happy and surprised.

Christmas was celebrated like they were rich, the children kept saying santa came in the night but Loretta corrected them by saying Jesus showed up at the right time.

The children started singing 🎵🎵Jesus loves me this I know🎵🎵. Loretta sat down giving praise to God. A week after Christmas it was new year Loretta was still baffled by the Christmas day surprise. Her neighbour Miss Constance a lovely Christian widow invited Loretta and the children over. She started showing them around her house telling them the history of the house. Two weeks later Miss Constance died she never had a child. A letter came through the post for Loretta, in it was the details of the mystery Christmas shopping it was Mrs. constance she said when Donald was alive he always stopped by to keep her company at times he goes shopping and drops food off for her without charge, he even ran errands for her but when he died she was devastated because she saw him as the child she never had. Since she was dying of a terminal illness she decided to spend some of her savings to surprise the Duncan family on Christmas day.

She wrote in her will that her property should be given to the Duncan family, her life insurance was paid to Loretta and the children, Donald's life insurance came through as well. Loretta couldn't believe it God is indeed wonderful.

Loretta turned Mrs Duncan's home to a place for the homeless and needy and every Christmas she and the employees go around the streets looking for people in need to surprise or family in distress through this process she evangelise to them and win souls for Christ. Loretta's calling was to go to the needy and win their souls.

*Morals*: Jesus came to win souls not just as a gift to be shared within the believers but unbelievers as well.

Have you ever suffered a loss that nearly turned your world upside down? As there been a time when Christ showed up to you let us share our testimony of the zero hour Jesus turned to Hero hour.

Also do you think Loretta channelled the money to right course?