It's easy to climb the hills with words of mouth than limbs. Its not a day's job to be dedicated to a task and finish it. The road I am treading is getting steeper as I proceed but there is no looking back. My life is going the way He wants it to be.
I have become an object of mockery among my friends. I walk with my heads down I feel rejected. "The next stop is Stephens road" the bus driver calls. I quickly jumped off my seat I wasn't about to miss my stop again that will make it the second time today. As I approached the house I could hear noise like some people were arguing, I tiptoed to the side where the noise was coming from. It was the people I live with busy arguing about my stay the wife was so adamant saying I am a bad luck to them and all kinds of discouraging words kept coming out of her mouth about me.
"You need to be humanly considerate Laura, shola has no where to go and no one to turn to we can't just send her packing because you think all that is happening to us is her fault. You have no proof that she is the cause of the problems, we need to be patient and try to be accommodating
." Said Mr Ben
"I knew it! is it because I am yet to catch you ehn? I know you are sleeping with her, that is why you are defending her like she is really important to you" Laura responded.
I really don't feel like going in right now, this house is practically on fire because of me and if I dare go in now I will be burnt. I need to leave now go far away from here. At least they have tried for me, they gave me shelter which is most important and food. I never thought it would come to this but I am not going in there I know Laura can pounce on me like a lion ready to devour its prey. But where do I go to now? I am a stranger in this land. I have no one to turn to I have been taken far away from my home with the hope of getting a good job. On getting here I was sold into slavery now the only family who at least treat me well compared to other places I have been are now arguing because of me.
If I should go away now, I might endanger my life. I'd better go in and let this reigning fire burn me if need be. As I walk through the door, Laura came towards me pointing her finger "miss, you are no longer welcome in this house, your stay has expired infact why am I talking to you? just wait there" she went in she must have packed my clothes already she brought my bag out and said take she also handed some money to me. She said that should get you a decent hotel for some nights. She wouldn't even let her husband talk. I couldn't talk I must have gone dumb due to that reaction. I just stood there with tears falling down my face. I am so lost here no place to go I detest my existence I wish this breath can stop at least all this will stop as well.
I don't know how long I stood at the door step for until Laura came back with full force and pushed me all the way till I was out of the compound. I sat down there couldn't control the tears. Oh my goodness all hope is lost now, as I sat there, a car driving by stopped. A man came out to me bent down to tap my shoulder he said why are you here out here this late,
its dangerous here. I gave him no response but I think he read the expression on my face. He took me that night in his car drove for some miles till we arrived at a place that looked like a school. I was introduced to a woman who took me in to a room along a corridor I wasn't scared. The woman spoke to me all the way but I couldn't even respond I was fed up of my existence. I am not sure what to expect favour or exploitation I don't care which one I get now.
That night as I lay in bed, I fixed my gaze on the ceiling boards until I fell asleep. I wasn't sure how long I slept for I was woken up by the slight knock on the door. It was the woman who took me to the room. She asked if I felt better and told me to go and have a shower. All through I didn't say a word. I nodded, couple of minutes later a young lady about my age brought breakfast in for me. She smiled and said I am Tabitha, may I know your name I wrote in the book Shola. She said "this is your breakfast make sure you eat well and drink. You can come out into the yard so you won't be alone." She left the room.
As I ate the food all I could think of was what led to me being here. The big quarrel between Mr Ben and Laura his wife. I couldn't even think further because the tears won't stop dropping. I am a dead person walking, nothing to look forward to all my future hope seem gloomy now. How do I start, my right of being free was stolen, I became a slave in a free world. People whom I thought would help me can't even help me.
About an hour later Tabitha came in, she said Shola would you like to come and join our group discussion. Today is Friday we have ladies prayer and discussion in the church hall. The man who brought you is my father, and the woman that attended to you last night is my mum. I am the first child of the family I have four siblings. We are followers of Christ although we are missionaries here but we have been in this land the longest almost five years now.
I was tired of all the information so I answered I will come out give me some minutes. As she went out I looked at her face she was relieved and I was relieved as well. I won't sit there while she talks and run out of words. The church discussion was centered on forgiveness. Different instances were cited on why one must forgive. A woman gave a scenario which she said happened to her.
Thelma said" she got married very early to a man who was her mother's lover not because she chose to but because she was forced into it. She was kidnapped from her home after her mum was killed by her lover when she was fourteen years. Although she was a teenager she looked like she was in her early twenties. Arnold was the name of the man who kidnapped her and who she later had all her five children for. At age Twenty two when she was having her sixth child that was a still birth Arnold died in a gang fight leaving her to raise five children with no income. She was far away from home name changed from Suzzanna to Thelma and mother to five innocent children fathered by her kidnapper. She stayed in the house they lived doing menial job to put food on the table for her kids. She said she blamed God all the time, she requested for death every day until a day she came face on with death.
Thelma's encounter with death was a unique one in a way as she narrated.......
I was walking down the narrow street close to my house then, I was obviously frustrated of the life i was living. Having being kidnapped and literally forced into a union that has brought to life children who have no clue about their parent's union. The culprit was dead and i was far away from home, I locked the children in the house the eldest was only 8 years and the youngest was 3 years. I walked without hope 'cause life just got unbearable. i was in a place i hardly knew my neighbours the person who brought me here was dead, my identity had been changed, my mother was dead. The children are a product of a criminal, they are probably going to end up like their criminal father it's best for me to be far away from them. i didn't realize i have walked three miles away from my house. All of a sudden I saw people running from different direction but i couldn't be bothered i was already looking for ways to end this miserable life. The next thing i heard was a loud bang, that was all i remember. i later opened my eyes to see myself connected to different machines. I opened my eyes slowly as the light was penetrating directly into my eyes, looking around the place i was I knew it was an hospital room. How i got there i had no clue, i heard the nurse in the room say out loud "ela esta acordado"(which means she is awake). i was unconscious for 3 days, i was brought to the hospital because i walked into a falling building which was why i saw people running towards where i was walking away from. At first they thought i was dead because there was no pulse or sign of life in me. The nurse came to me and said "voce estava clinicamente monta" (which means you were clinically dead). she realised i was just looking at her and didn't understand what she was saying so she spoke in English even though it wasn't as fluent as the other language she was speaking. "you dead before wake"from what she said, i guess she meant i was dead and i woke up. I wanted to know why i woke up, my mission would have been accomplished if only i didn't wake up. who woke me up, i tried getting up but there was so much pain on my side and the tubes connecting me to different machines was preventing me from sitting up or rolling to my side.
I spent the next four weeks in the hospital, neighbours found my children and took them to the authorities in charge of children maltreated. i was not allowed to have them for a year after much investigation and treatment for depression i was given the privileged to have them. A year after that i relocated to Vancouver where i met a lovely friend who brought me to this fellowship and since I have been here I have grown. The first growth or conviction I heard was to love my children not thinking of how they came to being. I forgive my abductor and baby father who happens to be my mother's killer. It was not an easy journey but the word of God says in Matthew 11:28 "come to me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest" I took this word as my watch tower and I always sang a hymn that ministers to me which is :
Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine
oh what a foretaste of glory divine
Heir of salvation purchase of God
Born of His Spirit washed in His blood
This is my story, this is my song
praising my saviour all the day long
This is my story, This is my song
Praising my saviour all the day long
As Thelma rounded up narrating her story I saw other ladies in tears, I didn't even know I was crying until I felt the tear drop on my neck. I can only imagine how she overcame the whole dilemma, plus how she became the ladies that smiles constantly. Throughout the time she shared her life experience, she didn't cry or show sign of discouragement instead she sighed heavily. I could tell there were somethings she held back that was not shared and I can't blame her. I just stared into the eyes of every other person that said something afterwards. They all had some dark past and some of them were still going through dark periods of their life. I wondered how they could just sit there joke together after so much prayers and discussions, no one came in in tears and left in tears the atmosphere transformed their emotions from negative to positive. i was lost in my thought and wondering how I can live with my past and move on to the future, I have tried before but it's like the more I try the more the past catch up with me. Cordelia tapped me are you okay, I want you to introduce yourself to the sister here as a new member in our midst. Oh am sorry I didn't know you were waiting for me. uhm! uhm! I'm Shola, I arrived here last night, I was helped by the people who run the programme. I am presently homeless and do not have anyone to turn to. I ... I... can I be left alone for a while please.
Cordelia said it was okay they all stood up like it was a routine and they started singing a song
" we are heirs of the father, we are joint heir with the son, we are children of the kingdom, we are family, we are one".
As the meeting ended, Tabitha came to me smiling with another girl about her age. She said Shola meet Harriet, she is one of the people helped by the fellowship . Harriet said yes, I was in so much need when I came to this fellowship. I never knew where my life was heading to, I just knew i was living. I was on drugs after being under the control of pimps. I met with the Lord and it has not being same story. I have been drug free for three years now glory to God and I now work with an organisation that helps people with drug related past to get on with life. All i could said was okay because i now felt like they are all feeding me constantly with all that they had been through maybe to get me to open up as to who I am. At the moment I can't see anything that will change my mind, I need to end this whole roller-coaster called life. There is no purpose at all I need to live for, I have been going through similar experience in my life journey. I am only 25years now but my experience in life is more than the years I have spent in life.
It's been 4 months since I was saved by Rev. Lazarus Cordelia's husband. I will say I have never met or seen a family that is this considerate and nice. Even when i shut them out of my life they never stopped being there to check on me. I have started a class run by the fellowship to learn catering. It's a little amateur because they depend on the people's donation for resources. I enjoy catering, anytime I am baking or anything that had to do with cooking, I find pleasure in it and forget my worries. 7 Months into the period of me living with the Lazarus family, there was a convention with a talent fayre mostly to show case the talents from the workshop held by the fellowship. I was so excited about the convention i felt really important in the past couple of month i have grown into using the baking as my comfort zone. I could bake anything from the scratch and the end result was always awesome, In fact I have already started getting clients from outside, Cordelia made it a point to introduce me to people anytime they wanted a cake or any cooking. I made it a point to give all the money i made to the fellowship, I felt I owe them so much because I don't know what would have happened to me that night I was pushed out.
My heart was still heavy because I had a lot tucked in from my past somewhere within my heart. we had a seven days prayer before the convention and whilst praying Thelma was singing, she could sing I do not know where the powerful voice was from cause both her parents cannot sing to save their life but Thelma just open her mouth and the atmosphere never remain the same. as she was singing I did not know what came over me as she was singing
"This is my desire to honour you
Lord with all my heart I worship you
All I have within me I give you praise
All that I adore is in You
Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have Your way in me"
The lyrics seems to have hit a spot in me, I just started saying Lord have your way in me. I am tired of living this way, the burden is too much, the pain is getting me dragged down. I cannot do it alone, Lord have mercy. Cordelia was not far away from me she must have heard my cry she moved close to me and started saying believe He will give you peace but you need to allow Him into your life. How can I let Him I sad? He saw me when I was going through the whole thing, He knew I had no one in this land yet I was thrown out. First I was brought into this land without my consent to be a sex slave. I suffered in there for 6 years, I learnt how to shut situation out of my memory from there because those I do not know will come in to the cellar of the house and I was used and dumped. (at this point Cordelia took me out of the main fellowship room to a side room) How I didn't get pregnant I have no clue, does that not show that my body is as dead? I thought I had parents who cared but no I have those who so much love money, they arranged for me to come here. My father! hmm! my father the chief herbalist of our town took pleasure in the money that was sent to him constantly by the lady who brought me here. One minute it's tall, the next is short, the next is a druggy I lost count and just lay there like a statue no reason to defend myself. One day I was fortunate to be alone at home, I checked there was no one around the cellar was unlocked I took to my heels not looking back determined to die than go back. When i came to this land from igbomina a village in the south western part of Nigeria, i couldn't even understand a word in English. The years of being a sex slave I gradually learnt how to speak English. I can hardly write or read apart from my name. I couldn't carry on talking because the tears were now running frenziedly. Cordelia kept using tissue to wipe them away, she said i could stop when I felt like. When she saw that I wasn't talking again, she said Shola I know you must have nursed this in you for so long. If you want you can share the whole story now if not you can wait till when you feel compelled within you to do so.
Shola I know it's the Lord that gave you grace to still be here, I mean for you to be alive because some people did not go through half of what you encountered and they either take their life or die mysteriously. I know you have not really let go neither have you allowed the lord Jesus into your life to take permanent abode in you and the affairs of your life. It will gladden my heart if you can open up to Jesus today and let Him heal your broken heart. The first stage to receiving healing is confessing it either by sharing the cause of the pain which you have done. To be fully healed, restored and renew you need Jesus in you. I am not sick I told Cordelia so why do I need healing?
As human we can carry inner wounds for so long that we begin to visualize the wound as normal occurrence in our lives. Except we are truly and divinely healed we might be stock in the dust and limited in that place of victim forever. At that point, Cordelia led me to Christ, I felt an inner peace as I prayed the salvation prayer.
I am so excited it's the day I have been waiting for, we all at the fellowship have been looking forward to this day. I have learnt how to pray and leave all in the hands of God which I did prior to the programme. I had to bake a cake with different structures, the most difficult one was baking a cake with the structure of chateau lake Louise it took me a while to get the structure right. A lot of people showcased their talents in so many ways. If this whole fare goes well many of us could find ourselves in position we have long dreamt of. The organizing body (HIGH HOPE ) was so good they made all the contestant feel like V.I.P we were treated with much respect. The time came for the show casing of our talent aside many that baked some did some art and crafts. It was so busy and the people that turned were beyond our expectation. People from the local community as well as the city came. After the whole activity it was time to award the winner and encourage participants. The third person was Eugenie she was given a signed contract for art and craft supplies and training of people from less privileged background. It was all funded by the High Hope foundation at that point I felt like i had failed but something in me chose not to give up that at least i was able do something with the little skills I have and it's been seen by different people. As I was lost in my thought, i heard a sly laughter very strong and the word that followed was you think you can actually break through, you think you can make it, where do you leave the covenant birth which you were born into back in Igbomina, you are forever under my rule, i have just given you a break for the time being but not freedom. My heart started beating quite fast, my hands were sweating, i could feel my legs becoming shaky fear was about to bring me down, suddenly a solemn but profound voice said to me quoting Jeremiah 29:11 "for I know the thoughts that I have towards you, the thought of good and not of evil to give you an expected end" at this point my legs stopped shaking and within me i started feeling waves of peace. I felt a rather rude tap on my shoulder Shola! Shola!! Shola!!! you won the competition. My response was what! I won, you mean me out of everyone, there wasn't enough time to ask why I was chosen. I had to quickly go to the front, I had to comport myself as I walked forward to take the awards. I was given a Culinary scholarship to help equip me into establishing myself, a free accommodation in the area i will be studying also a paid Job to help support my other needs whilst studying. This felt surreal, all i could utter was, thank you Jesus, thank you, thank you. The programme ended with a lovely reception and celebration.
After two months I had to leave Cordelia, Thelma, Rev. Lazarus and the lovely fellowship and family. I was very emotional, although this was another stage in my life but it felt like i was starting my life all over again. I felt like a little child going to school for the first time the anxiety of not knowing what to expect makes them cry, I couldn't cry because Cordelia was just crying and praying for me. I had a mother daughter bond with her even though she was just few years older than me. She was the listening ear I had in the past months. The organisation sent their bus to pick me from the fellowship. almost everyone available was out to bid me farewell, as the bus turned of the road i felt the tear drop on my cheeks. I couldn't hold it anymore, I am going to an unknown environment, I was becoming unnecessarily anxious but I kept reminding myself that God is involved and He will see me through. I brought a book that Rev. Lazarus gave to me out and it's Titled DECLARING TO THE DAY, in this book i found different words of encouragement from the Bible. The one that gave me much hope was
Deuteronomy 31:6-8(KJV)
6 Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
7 And Moses called unto Joshua, and said unto him in the sight of all Israel, Be strong and of a good courage: for thou must go with this people unto the land which the Lord hath sworn unto their fathers to give them; and thou shalt cause them to inherit it.
8 And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.
After reading that bit of the book I started praying to God to direct my journey and make His plans work for me. I knew there will be challenges waiting for me so I prayed for strength to over come the challenges because only Him can see me through.
WATCH OUT FOR THE OBSERVERS! PART TWO I HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING THE STORY SO FAR AND YOU HAVE BEEN IMPACTED ONE WAY OR THE OTHER BY THE HOLY SPIRIT.
