Not forgotten

The excruciating pain that shot down my spine and thigh bone caused the tears on my face to drop at the speed of light. It's been almost thirty-two hours since I have been experiencing this labour pain. No one noticed me because ever since my family found out about my pregnancy I began to receive a cast out's treatment from my own people.

It hasn't been a great experience so far, its been from tears to floods of tears and pain. How did I end up in this demeaning position? How am I going to face life after all this? Is it really worth it to live? This three questions have been on my mind from the day I found out I was pregnant out of wedlock and in a community where such is regarded as the greatest sin a young lady can commit.

How I got here....
My name is Olivia the second daughter of a well known people's man and business tycoon. I went to the best amongst the best school in the community I live. I was envied by children my age because I had everything at my disposal.  I didn't have to ask before I got what I needed. My parents ensured I got everything. Life was so good I was so popular in school everyone wanted to be my friend. To top it all I excelled so well in my academics so I felt on top of the world as a lucky girl. I represented my school on different occassions, the school took me highly as their student. I felt like I had it all.

One major thing I lacked as a young girl was love. I had everything at my disposal but I craved for love. Every girl in my class had a boyfriend or boyfriends but I seem to be the odd one out. Guys saw me as a challenge and a show off.  Because of my comfortable life many just joked because they had the impression I was materialistic. My friends will even take gifts and money from me so they could speak to guys for me in order for them to be my friend.  It was a disheartening situation. I wanted to talk about intimate relationship like my friends did, I wanted to do what they did but I just felt like the odd one out it was a disastrous feeling that eventually led to who I am about to be now.

During one summer holiday in another part of the world,  One faithful afternoon I was walking down the road when a guy drove past and waved I waved backed beaming from ear to ear. He drove back to were I was, we introduced each other and before I even thought about anything I gave him my address and number. In two weeks we became friends, he was on holiday just like me. I was on a five weeks holiday. For the five weeks I couldn't have enough of Jordan, he ticked every box of the kind of man I wanted. He was eloquent, handsome and I fell over the hills in love with Jordan. Three weeks into our relationship I allowed Jordan to take me as cheap as I had presented myself to him. He had the best word to get my adrenaline high, even when my parents called to ask how I was enjoying my holiday I told them it was the best holiday ever. I updated my friends about my relationship. I was cheered by my friend they couldn't believe my luck, I took pictures with Jordan sent it to my friends via email they all loved him we were like couple on honey moon.

The holiday ended and I returned back home. I kept in touch with Jordan.  We spoke for long hours across the ocean. I spent the time I ought to study to speak to him. He had a sugarcoated mouth, his words are ever perfect we didn't argue for long because he will always say something to subside my anger. Exactly two month after I got back home from holiday, I started feeling giddy, one particular day I fainted while participating in school games. I was rushed down to the hospital. My parents were called and by the time I woke up and got my bearing I saw my father's face glaring at me with utmost disgust.  I wondered what I have done to earn such look. My mum was glad I was awake but she showed less excitement. 

The doctor came in and confirmed I was pregnant and my careless activities was the cause of me fainting. I wished I could faint again, Pregnant!!!!! Me, how come? My mind went straight to what I did with Jordan while on holiday I thought to myself oh no!  I have actually let my parents down. What a mistake I have made.

I was discharged from the hospital that day. On getting home, my parents called me into the big lounge which is where they spend most of their time. My father started with, "is there anything you've ever wanted in life that I deny you of?" Mother was looking right on the floor she didn't say a word. How did you get pregnant father said? I was so shaken I didn't know what to say I said 'I'm so sorry.' He said, "I'm not asking you to apologize, I am asking you how you got pregnant, who impregnated you?" I said daddy I am so sorry. This made him angry. My Father  grabbed hold of the side table next to him, threw it towards me. The table went flying across the room hitting me on the side of my leg I fell down crying my mum came in between us. She said "please don't do this to her,  she's made a mistake there is nothing we can do than to let her bear the consequences." I stood up crying, pleading and asking my father for forgiveness that I would never do such thing again. He said to me you have lost your birth right as my child today I disown you

He left the room angrily. Mother came to me she said 'why did you do this you know how much your father loves you yet you chose to disgrace him.' At that point, I felt the pain and anger in my mother's voice. I had no excuse for my behaviour they had done their best as parents but I had let them down by allowing unnecessary wants to destroy my worth as a child before my parents.

Days rolled into month and eventually the night came just as the seconds of the clock ticked slow it felt like I had been pregnant much longer than nine months. As the pain continued I couldn't hold it again I let out a deafening cry and my mum came in. the next thing I saw was blood. She screamed for the driver and my younger brother. I was rushed to the hospital, dad was away from home that night. As the driver drove into the hospital premises I became unconscious. In the state of unconsciousness, I saw myself walking down a lovely garden different flowers were there but it felt as if the flowers were mocking me. I was embarrassed with shame. I covered my face  with my hands I couldn't have my face covered for so long because I was naked. i started running so fast I didn't know which way to turn to. The journey seem endless, every time I stopped i heard the flowers mocking me so bad. I just wanted to disappear, I cried out for help no one came to my rescue at that point I remembered my favourite quote "when the road is blocked and no means to run I will call on God", at that point I cried to God for help. I said God help me I am lonely and lost I need you right now or I will die. I saw this old man  from no where,  he picked me up like I was a baby, He wiped my tears away and covered my nakedness. He said I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BY YOUR SIDE BUT YOU TOOK NO NOTICE OF ME, I HAVE WAITED PATIENTLY FOR THIS TIME TO COME AND I AM GLAD YOU REALIZED YOU NEED ME. Then I woke up to find myself in the theatre, I felt empty.

When I woke up...

I heard the surgeon saying she is awake now, i saw my mother waiting outside the room her eyes were fixed on me via the glass.The surgeon called my name and i responded with the little strength in me. I was in the  hospital for 3 weeks. I was told that I was unconscious by the time I got to the hospital. the baby lacked oxygen and had breached due to distress causing the amniotic fluid to burst as the placenta ruptured. i was rushed straight to the theatre. The baby was delivered while I was unconscious and my mum said she couldn't even look at the baby because he was already dead and  she insisted that the doctors should save my life. As I came back to life the baby who was confirmed dead at birth sneezed no one heard him sneeze until he let a cry out. It was an incredible occurrence. My father was informed about the birth but he stood by his word and refused to have anything to do with me or the baby.  He told mum i must not return to the house after giving birth because he wouldn't have any unwanted child in his house nor have a disowned daughter in his house. 

A child raising a child...

I moved to one of my mother's house far away from our house in the city. Mother got me a help, she only came to visit me every two weeks. she brought everything I and the baby needed. I named the the baby Morgan.  My mother tried her best to get my father to forgive me but he refused. My siblings were not told where i was but they kept in touch with me via emails and phone calls. I had to promise my mother that no one will know where i live, no friend nothing.I tried my best to locate Jordan but all my effort were futile. i gave up when Morgan turned one. I wrote international exams to higher institutions abroad and as God will have it i got admission into a university abroad only my mother knew about this. During my one year of raising Morgan up with the help of Dolly( the help mum got for me), the encounter i had while I was in the theatre kept running through my mind. I knew i was living my life on the second chance i got from God. Dolly was a christian widow who had lost all she had (her, children, house, husband) in  a house fire but her faith was so strong in God. I never saw her look sad or lost as i looked at times. When she has Morgan when my teachers came to teach me, I always heareher singing "I am a friend of God He calls me friend." Even when Morgan cries at times and i can't handle him when she sings i am a friend of God for him, he beams with joy and those tears turns to tears of joy.

One day Dolly found me crying although i have learnt to hide hide my pain but the cause of my cry that particular day was the letter i got from my father. I had written to him severally but this was his first response, he said he regretted having me as a child and he meant his word that he had disowned me and he would appreciate if i stop contacting him as a father because i am already written off in his mind. Dolly saw this letter and she tried to console me but i was inconsolable. That was when she told me the story of her life and how she ended up being a maid at the age of 35. She told me that she and her entire family knew Christ Jesus but one night they all died leaving her behind. She said she thought of suicide several times but she knew it was a sin. she said she stopped going to church  for more than two years. On her 38th birthday she said she slept with a very heavy heart and she dreamt of her family, they all wore white garments smiling and looking so good. She said that was the first time she felt the joy she always felt when she had her family and when she saw them again she was so joyous. As she moved closer to them she couldn't reach them, she said her husband said darling your garment is stained then she saw a drop of dirt on it. She tried to get it off but it wouldn't come off instead it became bigger than it was. She woke up with a wet pillow she had been crying all through her sleep. She said that day she rededicated her life to Jesus. She asked me if I would like to have a relationship with Jesus, I was curious I said I knew God existed and I told her about what happened the day Morgan was delivered and she told me God loves me. I wasn't convinced still, I said what about my father. I missed my father's love God can't be my father then I started crying.  She grabbed her bible and opened it to Psalms 27: 7-10 "hear, O lord, when I cry with my voice; have mercy also upon me, and answer me. when thou didst saidst, seek ye my  face; my heart said unto thee, thy face, lord will i seek. hide not thy face far from me, put not thy servant away in anger; thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. When my father and my mother  forsake me, then the Lord will take me up."  

My Salvation....

I gave my life to Christ that day as Dolly introduced me to the father that is above all fathers. My admission to the university came through and mum insisted  i had to go with Morgan because she wouldn't want him to grow  without his mother. I wondered how i would cope with Morgan in a foreign land with my studies to worry about. After much prayer to God for intervention I spoke to Dolly and ask if she would go with me and Morgan to our new home to be. She was glad i offered her because  she was so attached to Morgan and I saw her as my best friend. She was always there for me and Morgan. We agreed in prayers and told mum my intentions about Dolly coming with us. Mum agreed and we left Zambia on the 16th of December For the United Kingdom. I started My course the next Month,  Dolly was like a mother to me. On my 21st birthday i got a shocking news from home Dad had a stroke, mum said it was sudden and they planned to bring him to UK for physiotherapy session. She said Dad is now aware that i was in UK and i should brace myself for whatever treatment i get from him. I couldn't move out of the house because I won't be able to cope with the cost of living.

My father arrived in the UK as planned and i went to pick them up from the airport, he wouldn't even look at me or my son. I stayed cleared off him when I took them home, Dolly took care of the luggages and I went to my room and i knelt down and pray to God for my father's salvation and restoration of the broken father-daughter bond between us. I said this same prayer every night before I slept. I and mum took dad to the hospital for the physiotherapy sessions months turned to a year and Dad deteriorated instead of improving. Mum had to go back to Zambia to oversee the business back home. My siblings  lived in the States and called on regular basis to check on dad's well being but they never visited even though they had the opportunity.

One day, as i walked down the stairs i heard a big thud, at first i thought it was Morgan but on getting to Morgan's room it was empty then i remembered that Dolly had taken Morgan out for the day. It must be my father, i ran quickly into his room, he was lying on the floor struggling. I ran to him, put his good hand around my neck and stood him up as I managed to sit him on the bed. I felt drops of tears on my neck my father was in tears. I held him close and said daddy you don't need to cry just forgive me because i have forgiven you. We were in this father-daughter reconciling position when Morgan came in shouting "Olivia mama I got sweeties." I beckoned to him to come to his grandfather but he wouldn't allow my father to touch him, instead he came to me. My father tried to hold him but his arm had no strength, i put Morgan on his laps and he was so happy. I had time to keep and eye on my father as i was on holiday and I was able to introduce Jesus to my father. His salvation came in a hard way but he gave His life to Christ. By the time Mum came back from Zambia dad was able to walk short distance with a walking stick. He continued with the physiotherapy session and spent his free time watching Christian channels and studying the word of God. My father regained most of the strength in his arm and leg but he ended using a walking stick. After two years My parents returned back to Zambia, i felt like i had never left them before because i missed them more than ever. I made sure I called everyday to check on My father's health and to pray and encourage him to continue to move closer to God. During one of our numerous phone calls and discussion my father said you  are not getting young Olivia you need to start thinking of settling down and give Morgan  siblings and a father figure.

After that discussion, i thought about my relationship with Jordan, I never come across him since the last time we saw. I even took a secret trip down to Minneapolis where it all began, i went to the place i knew to be his home but i could not get any information about Jordan or his family. I told Dolly what my father said and she said as she will always encourage me, his eye  is on the sparrow and he is watching you. God has a plan for you so don't be discouraged. At the age of 26th I graduated from the the University of East Anglia with first class in  International Development With Economics With Overseas Experience. My Parents and Siblings came for my graduation. Dolly was so happy, she took the whole ceremony so serious. She baked cakes and made sure everyone who came for the ceremony had a souvenir ( a little Bible she ordered for that occassion).

A month after graduation  I got an international Job which meant i had to live the UK and relocate to Australia, it was somehow tough on Morgan because he had settled in school and Dolly was committed to the church we attended in Norwich. I had no choice but to move to Australia, settling in Australia took us a while, we prayerfully looked for a Bible believing Church and God led us to one. My work was demanding and I hardly had time for socializing aside going home and church. One day during a retreat programme in our church a guest pastor came from the USA. I didn't see the programme flyer prior to the day and as the guest Pastor mounted the the stage I was stunned, I waited for him to re-introduce himself and He said I am  Pastor Jordan Joseph. I knew who he was straight away I couldn't sit for the sermon i carried my bag and left half way through the service. I told Dolly  I was too tired to stay to the end. When I got home i paced up and down the sitting area questioning my instinct could that be him, did he purposely do what he did, i was answering the questions I was asking myself.  Dolly and Morgan came in some hours later, Morgan looked tired  and couldn't wait to get a nap. Dolly took Morgan to his room and she came to me afterwards. She said what is the problem Olivia. I have known you for a while and you can no longer hide from me. I told her about Jordan  and my conviction that he was Morgan's father she brought the flyer for the programme out and immediately i recognized him. She said you need to contact him,  he probably never got your emails not to talk of being aware of the child.

Dolly booked an appointment to see Pastor Jordan Joseph through our Parish Pastor. She said when she got to him she appreciated the calling of God upon him and told him the story of a young girl who once  spent her summer holiday in Minneapolis and a young man called Jordan whom she fell in love with. He said he was surprised and was eager to find out if the  girl was still alive and if she knew the girl. She told him the love story had a fruit called Morgan and they are both alive. Dolly came home to tell me how Jordan felt and how he said he was not married because he had a conviction that his wife was the girl he had an unholy relationship with some years ago. He told her how his step dad kicked him and his mother out and how he lost his mother to cancer couple of years later. He also told  Dolly how a man of God took him in and from there he was able to trace his steps to God and How he eventually became a pastor. He never got the emails and He was unaware of the child.

Three weeks after Dolly met with Pastor Jordan Joseph i agreed to see him in my home. As he walked through the door all the hurt i felt through the years vanished. He was his charming self still but a regenerated charming man. He went on his kneels and asked for my forgiveness, he told me he never got my emails and was unaware i came in search of Him. As he was talking Morgan came in to the room, He was eleven years now and He said mum why is the pastor begging you.  I said Morgan this is your father, he thought I was joking, but you said he lives in America mum. Jordan answered yes son i live in America its a long story but i need your mother's forgiveness. Jordan wouldn't get up until I said I forgave him.

That night when Jordan left, with Dolly's help we explained to Morgan why He met his father the way he did. I thank God for the understanding he gave to Morgan, he accepted Jordan and forgave me for not telling him the story behind his birth. Jordan kept in touch when he left Australia, I informed my parents about him and my dad was pleased to know him. 

A meeting was arranged the next time my parents came to visit us in Australia,  Jordan came as well. He apologised to my parents and surprised us all by asking me to marry him. I didn't know what to say but Morgan pleaded for his father. He said mummy please say yes to him.

.. We tied the knot...

We got married on Morgan's Twelfth birthday. When I was given the microphone to talk, I thanked the Almighty God, my parents and Dolly whom God used to bring Salvation to my family. The song that I rendered was;

I am not forgotten,  I am not forgotten,  I am not forgotten God knows my name

I am not forgotten God knows my name

He knows my name, friend of the friendless, Hope of the hopeless...

A year after we tied the knot I and Morgan moved  to America with Jordan. Dolly got married to our Parish Pastor in Australia who was a widower. We were blessed with two girls and another boy.

A successful journey always face obtructions but hope in God allows the product of faith to be vivid. God never forget His own.