Bond is a relationship between people with shared experiences or interests.
Trauma bond is the relationship between two people who have had similar distressing occurrence, giving them a reason to share lived experience and codepend on each others strength.
Text: Ruth 1:15-18 KJV
[15] And she said, Behold, thy sister in law is gone back unto her people, and unto her gods: return thou after thy sister in law. [16] And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: [17] where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me. [18] When she saw that she was stedfastly minded to go with her, then she left speaking unto her.
Trauma is not something anyone wishes for in life. However, life can throw it's blow at anytime but God always have the final say. He can bring beauty out of ashes and He will never leave His own.
The anchor scripture is the story of Ruth and Naomi. Having lost her sons and her husband, Naomi requested that her daughter in laws returned back to their respective family, Orpah who was one of her daughter in-law heed to the advise. She kissed her mother in-law and left. Ruth on the other hand refused. And in verses 16 to 17 of Ruth chapter 1 we can see how Ruth vowed to stick with her mother in law, saying her God will be her (Ruth's) own God also and she will die where the mother in-law dies. By chapter 2 of the book of Ruth she met Boaz through her mother in-law and the rest is history.
This story as amazing and enlightening as it is, the bond between Ruth and Naomi was beyond marriage, it grew from marriage to Trauma then mother and daughter. Ruth can identify with the pain Naomi was feeling. Ruth also lost her husband who was one of Naomi's son. Ruth too had this burden of grief, loss and was navigating the next stage. However you could see that the bond they had grew after both their losses. She was ready to spend her life with someone who will understand her pain.
In life, human being are easily drawn to people they can identify with, either by race, nationality, situation or circumstances. People with similar lived experience often understand each other.
With the high rate of divorce, narcissism, abuse, molestation, spiritual abuse to mention a few. Some people tend to hang around people that understands what they have been through.
In some cases it births good news like Ruth and Naomi, and Boaz that God used to rewrite their stories. However, in some cases it can eventually be a symbol of delay.
In the case of Mephibosheth, after being dropped at age 5 by his Nurse Ziba and fleeing from the palace, he didn't live as a royalty that he was until David remembered to bless someone in the lineage of Saul because of Jonathan his (David's) friend.
2 Samuel 4:4 KJV
[4] And Jonathan, Saul's son, had a son that was lame of his feet. He was five years old when the tidings came of Saul and Jonathan out of Jezreel, and his nurse took him up, and fled: and it came to pass, as she made haste to flee, that he fell, and became lame. And his name was Mephibosheth.
2 Samuel 9:1-9 KJV
[1] And David said, Is there yet any that is left of the house of Saul, that I may shew him kindness for Jonathan's sake? [2] And there was of the house of Saul a servant whose name was Ziba. And when they had called him unto David, the king said unto him, Art thou Ziba? And he said, Thy servant is he. [3] And the king said, Is there not yet any of the house of Saul, that I may shew the kindness of God unto him? And Ziba said unto the king, Jonathan hath yet a son, which is lame on his feet. [4] And the king said unto him, Where is he? And Ziba said unto the king, Behold, he is in the house of Machir, the son of Ammiel, in Lo-debar. [5] Then king David sent, and fetched him out of the house of Machir, the son of Ammiel, from Lo-debar. [6] Now when Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, was come unto David, he fell on his face, and did reverence. And David said, Mephibosheth. And he answered, Behold thy servant! [7] And David said unto him, Fear not: for I will surely shew thee kindness for Jonathan thy father's sake, and will restore thee all the land of Saul thy father; and thou shalt eat bread at my table continually. [8] And he bowed himself, and said, What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am? [9] Then the king called to Ziba, Saul's servant, and said unto him, I have given unto thy master's son all that pertained to Saul and to all his house.
Not all trauma bond birth good news. In the case of Mephibosheth, until God puts his name in remembrance for David to look for him, He was a prince living in exile and not living as a descendant of a king. He ate what Ziba gave him, but by the time he came back to the palace, He ate from the table with the King and had servants including Ziba wait on him.
There are some friendships you find yourself that were birthed out of trauma bond, their are relationships birthed out of trauma bond, marriages and partnership. In some cases they end well but in some situations it leads to co-dependency based on trauma. Even when the situation is no longer serving the parties involved.
The message for you today is; are you thriving or wasting away in a trauma bond?
Have you even identified and healed from the trauma before embarking on a relationship with another trauma victim.
Some trauma bond can delay destiny fulfillment like we see in the case of Mephibosheth. You need to break free at times alone, at times ahead and away from the things that are still attached to your past for you to enter into your fullness and fulfilment.
You can't continue in your yesterday or your past and flourish in your new. You need to come out, your place of remembrance doesn't have to look like your current situation or your past. However you must be willing and ready to come out. If Mephibosheth refused to heed the call of David, he would have lived a meaningless life a son of a King living like a nobody.
Take time to assess your circle of friends, the relationship you are in, is it aligning with your new season. Co-dependency in a trauma bond can easily build complacency and cause you to lose your strength and eventually lose your identity.
Except you are being led by God and purposely on the journey like Ruth, don't allow your past to control your present or your future.
Ruth's situation was heavenly ordained if not she won't even be in the lineage of Jesus Christ and becoming his great grandmother. If God is permitting you in that bond be rest assured that there is a purpose to it, that will bring glory to His name.
Don't put yourself in a place God hasn't placed you. It's true some trauma can become purpose but be sure God is using it as a purpose before accepting it as your final docking station.
Write down your life purpose if you know it and ask God to reveal to you the relationship that will stop you from achieving them at the appointed time. Ask Him to lead you and teach you how to manage the trauma and live above the confinement it has over your destiny then watch God manifest through your life.
Let us pray
Ancient of days thank you for the word you have sent to me today
Lord thank you for opening my eye and giving me deeper understanding of trauma bond
Lord deliver me from known or unknown trauma bond entanglement in Jesus name
Lord remove every covering that stops me from living in my purpose in Jesus name
Lord give me divine wisdom, understanding and clarity on how to move on from every trauma that has tied my soul to the past
Lord from today let me enter into my new beyond the imagination of man
I decree freedom over my lineage and I from every trauma that transfers from generation to generation
I break every inheritance of evil bond either trauma related or not in Jesus name
I decree henceforth it's my liberty season in Jesus mighty name amen
Personal Prayer
Thank you Jesus for answered prayers in Jesus name
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